let's see how far we've come: so should all of you!

let's see how far we've come

Thursday, 8 February 2007

so should all of you!

Thanks to Matthew, I now have the whole season of "Heroes" at my fingertips.
What a way to fight an addiction man. Feed it with greater dosage of the drug itself, til death from overdosage kills me. Cheers!

On to more serious stuff about friendships and all.
I think I've grown into a phase whereby I'm used to the whole notion of never finding anything as close to the bonds forged in JC anymore. But then, I'm convinced that I can still find good friends in University, in work and in adult life.
I guess everything about growing up, is getting used to the fact that most things in life, aren't for eternity, and that one day, we'll end up alone, end up facing the challenges of life (and death) alone. Cause, really, we came into this world alone, we are going to leave it alone.
And I think, last semester taught me that, really really well. I came into University with too idealistic a view about the friendships I had from the past, that they'll become stronger in the University, but of course I was proven woefully wrong.
People place different emphasis or different degree of importance to different things: your idea of how importance a certain friendship is, could be vastly different from how others view it as well. (you never know, can you?) and there's nothing wrong with that.

So yes, I'm never going to develop bonds as close to those in JC. And neither am I going to believe that existing bonds will last forever. Old bonds will fade, and eventually break, while new ones will be forged. Its just a matter of time, a matter of how long it last, a matter of how desperate you try to maintain them and get them fixed in its existing state.
But one day, close friends just become friends. Cause you'll never ever get to see them everyday, time spent together fades, and you'll end up having to spend more time with other people you'll eventually meet.
And am I going to keep grumbling about not being able to find close friends in this bunch of new faces I meet, keep reminiscing about the past that can never be brought back? If the answer is yes, then I'm gonna be living such an unfulfilling life indeed.
Bonds do break. Not because someone chooses to break them or not, but because its something that comes along with nature. They dissipate. Its just a matter of time.

But that is not to say that I am never ever going to find good friends down the road.
If anything, starting this new semester with a fresh perspective, and a reduced reliance of certain friends, have made me realise that I wasn't that alone in the first place.
While I was grumbling about the fact that friends I have grown to rely on where being clique-ish, I myself was being clique-ish, by not going out to embrace new friendships.

And the new semester has taught me a valuable lesson, that I have a bunch of new friends that I get along very well with. And I'm very thankful for that, that my PBL/anatomy/physio group has managed to bond quite well. (Or at least, a core group of us anyway.)
In someways, this group of people who I keep seeing in tutorials over and over again, has sort of brought back some of the old feelings of closeness you see in classes of the past. And its probably what I have been looking so desperately for in the previous semester. That degree of closeness when you realise that you can't rely on your adoptive OG or your old friends for it.
(And it helps that a bunch of my anat-mates live near me... so it basically means I never have lonely rides home anymore, and there's always someone on the train to gossip and rant to.)

And while you may argue that the friendships forged now, may not be as close as those you have in JC, the fact is they are still strong enough to give me that sense of closeness.
Because I believe closeness comes only after being friends first. And it takes time to develop that closeness, and at least, I do see some semblance of that being formed.
And you might argue that old friendships are less pretentious, more real. And while that may be true, its not fair to just limit yourself from forming new bonds just because you think its all a pretence. And pretence will never last: if you manage to become friends, you just become friends; if you don't, then the tiring nature of having to keep it all up, will just fade away, and you'll just drop it all and move on. Its a form of natural selection.
But if you limit yourself from it all, then you miss the chance to find what could be a new beginning, a new set of great friends, and a new bedrock of amazing bonds.

In some ways, I feel thankful that I don't have a large bunch of 71-ians that are in medicine, or in NUS. Cause I don't have to feel troubled about hanging out with new friends with the fear of not being seen as part of the old gang.
(unlike some other people I know! *ack ack*)
Not that its a bad thing to have lots of old classmates around in uni all the time (better put this in lest some people I know think I'm attacking them!), because I'm sure the class gatherings everyday and stuff are fun and helps you reminiscent about the good old glory days and stuff. But at least I don't have to feel so torn or hypocritical or damaged.
And I can't believe I was jealous (maybe even angry with) of them last semester. Wow. Feels like I've grown older and matured. Tsk. =p

And the good thing about not seeing 71-ians all the time, is that it makes the few opportunities to get to see all my fellow 71-ians even more memorable, and probably makes me cherish the times I had with them.
And because I have learnt to let go and move on, even when the time comes for us to be alone and go our separate ways, at least I've dealt with that... and that I know that even though I don't have all these old close bonds to rely on, I have a new group of good friends to fall back on and cover my back.
And when the time comes when I have to move on another phase in life, I will keep having new people to rely on... and old people to treasure. Yup.

I've moved on. =)

Labels: emo, friends

posted by voldemort33 @ 15:32

1 Comments:

At 8 February 2007 at 17:40, Anonymous said…

i just hope that while you move on, you'll remember those that you've left behind.