| Sunday, 22 April 2007 |
| soul in a box |
I feel like ripping my soul out of my body, put it in a box and crush it.
Is it a metaphor for committing suicide? I dunno.
The past few days have been some of the most tiring days ever in my life.
I can't really recall much of the things I have done over the past few days, except it has been a blur. A really big blur. I remember outings, lots of them, and I remember feeling very stoned in many of them.
It feels as if I have lost my zeal for life again. I cannot find the energy or mood or even motive to do things, to be happy, to live life. I do not know if its really a side-effect (like what peishan said) of falling out of love or anything, but there is no denying that I find it pointless to do anything or say anything.
It seems I have once again entered my anti-humanity mood. I am so so sick of seeing people - people I know, people I don't know, people I love, people I hate. Whatever.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have a soul(or a heart) to begin with, so that I wouldn't have to bother about people and concepts like 'love', 'friendship, 'family'. So that I could just offend anyone I like, so that I could hurt anyone I hate, so that I can tell them what I really think they should know, instead of being caught up in their stupid, silly, personal worlds, worrying about their stupid, silly problems... that aren't really even problems to begin with.
Sometimes, I really want to stop listening and just tell the world to shut the f*ck up; I really want to tell them that seriously, I don't care a damn thing about what you have to say or what you feel or what you want to do: you want to go ruin your own life? Go ahead. You want to ruin other people's life? Fine with me. I don't give a damn.
I want to rip off the masks on so many people, and hopefully, in the process, rip some bits of their skin and flesh out as well. I want to tell them what I really think about them: that they are so so fake and hypocritical; so so selfish and self-absorbed; so so paranoid and impractical; so so childish and irritating.
I want to see them bleed. I want to see them suffer. I want to see them in pain and hopefully dying from it. I want to see the people I call my oldest friends die.
I really want to see them die. And I want to be laughing when that happens.
I want to be free from allegiances. I want to be free from bonds.
I want to be devoid of emotion. I want to be without a conscience.
I want to have a heart of steel. I want to have a brain of a killer.
I want to tear my soul into pieces, place them in little boxes tied with oversized ribbons and drive a car over them. And hear their little voices scream.
I want to be more than a psychopath.
What I want is the power to become a monster and come back again.
I am aware that this entry is rather alarming. But please, do not be alarmed. I am usually quite a sociable, people person who doesn't have murderous thoughts. You just caught me while I'm in my dark place. *smiles*Labels: emo, meltdown |
posted by voldemort33 @ 21:18  |
|
|
|
|
|
