| Sunday, 28 October 2007 |
| focus on being up there |
Such Great Heights - The Postal Service
I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
And true, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home
They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...
I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
And that frankly will not fly. You will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home
Nice song. I love the way it makes me semi-happy.
_____________________________________________________
This is going to sound really really random, but I've got to get this off my chest.
I was on my way home from town yesterday, and while I was sitting at the bus stop, Immunology notes in hand, I caught sight of multiple couples, intensely in love, walking around. And then its struck - this amazing sense of emptiness. And all of a sudden, I felt like dating again.
I think its a result of watching too much Grey's Anatomy, and being too emotionally involved with the TV series. And imagining myself being McDreamy and being Meredith's love of her life. Its getting into my head, and because Derek announced in the latest episode, that he needed to start dating, subconsciously, I felt that I needed to start dating as well.
But see, that's the key - I may feel all emotionally drained and vulnerable, but I don't think I can find the strength or impetus to even date right now. Not when memories of the previous fiasco of a relationship are still fresh in my mind. Look where dating got me the previous time? In a horrible horrible mess.
Then there's the whole idea of who to date and stuff. Not that I don't have an idea of who I would want to date... its just that, I don't know if relationships are even my cup of tea.
I mean - its me. I'm the great proponent of non-marriage, of being single for the rest of your life, of being a swinging single. I never thought I would end up in a state where I would be so sappy and love struck and even desperate.
This is so unlike me - if you had told me back in Secondary School or JC that I would one day, be babbling like this today, I wouldn't have believed you. This is not good for me really.
Seriously. My mind is playing games with me because I've been forcing it to take in boring, intense information on COFM, Immunology and Microbiology, and its not going to let me off the hook anytime soon.
Then there's the horrible phase of chasing the girl again. Gosh. The amount of time, effort and money spent the last time made me feel like an idiot. Sure it got me alot closer, but if that experience helped, girls can pick you up one moment and hurl you down in the next instance. Why are they so horrible?
Okay, maybe the problem's with me, that I'm daydreaming too much. I don't NEED to be dating. I just need time to stop thinking about people being giddly in love and hating their guts for being in love. I need time to stop thinking that love exists, but that its just not with me right now. More importantly, I need to stop feeling this amazing upsurge of jealousy when she talks and laughs with another guy.
I need to focus on friendship first, and NOT on possibilities. I NEED TO FOCUS. I need for one freaking point in my life, to not be as neurotic as Derek, or as klutzy as Meredith. I need to be freaking Bailey, focused, determined, and in her Nazi best.
I mean, I have upcoming exams. I have driving. I have problems - people to people problems, being part of the family problems, being a worthy enemy problems, being a good friend problems.
And again, I have exams. I have studying to do. I have to focus on my priorities and not fantasize on possible what ifs and fairy tale scenarios where I'm her knight in shining whatever who saves her from drowning during a boating incident.
Focus. That's what I need.
*Takes a deep steadying breath*
I am so so so screwed.Labels: madness, music |
posted by voldemort33 @ 10:25  |
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