| Sunday, 16 December 2007 |
| paradoxical freedom |
I have lots of things to say, but I don't really know how to get it going.
I think this is going to be my worst holiday ever. I feel so stuck and lost and lonely. Like a bird in a cage, that ironically, isn't locked. The cage's wide open - I have a car, I have a license, I have no limitations set on my freedom, but ironically, I'm not flying out of the cage.
I don't really know what I want to do here. I can't stand the boredom and utter loneliness at home. I miss having 4 of us back home, instead of just 2 of us languishing about the house.
At the same time, I can't stand the aimlessness and emptiness of leaving the house, of going out without any substantial company. The loneliness then is horribly daunting as well.
So what if you have the means to travel from place to place? Its pointless to have that key when you have nowhere to travel to, or no one to travel with.
And that, my friend, is a kind of freedom that leaves you horribly trapped.
I actually prefer school. It gives me meaning, something to strive for and something to aim to achieve. And there's actually company 24/7, real company, instead of some faceless voice across the internet, or the flashing images projected across the televsion/laptop screen.
And I conclude that I'm a person who knows what my problems are, but at the same time, wouldn't do anything about it.
I know what's wrong, I know what's bothering me, I know what I want, I know what I desire and dream of, but ultimately, I don't attempt to do anything about it. Because I'm probably too lazy to do anything about it.
And that's probably the biggest tragedy of my wholly insignificant life.Labels: emo |
posted by voldemort33 @ 01:22  |
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