And as the countdown to my third ever microbiology CA begins, I start to wonder just how porous my brain really is. This is the second time in medical school where I feel that I know nothing about the subject matter of the upcoming paper. (The first was the first CA for anatomy in M1.)
I hate this feeling of knowing that you studied but somehow or another, it wouldn't make a difference at all because whatever you read, doesn't really register in your brain. Its not a good feeling, definitely not, and its honestly, a feeling that doesn't really manifest too often for me. Yes, I will forget stuff when I study, but not to the extent where my brain feels empty inside.
I know certain people out there think that bacteria are cuddly and cute, but, right now, at this very moment, I feel that Bacteriology really sucks. There are just too many strange sounding names and incoherent, confusing details that its enough to make the horror that was virology look nice. But then, I actually enjoyed virology. But I'm finding it hard to conjure any inkling of love for bacteria and its purulent ilk.
I have a few more bacteriology tables to go through, but I am reluctant to do so because I know, that at this point in time, nothing is going to stay in my brain, EVEN if it makes sense! AND that is the infuriating thing about it all - that I can be made to appear so stupid when I am NOT.
I will most probably fail the paper tomorrow.
To quote some random stranger, 'It's an honor to die at your hands.'Labels: emo, meltdown, school |
