Ha. I was supposed to go watch "Letters of Iwo Jima" today, but I decided to trade it with "盛夏光年" instead. Yup, finally watched it.

Lots of things in our life, start out when we least expected.
I remember being an extremely studious student in primary school. I was one of those annoyingly angelic students: teachers' pet, polite, quiet, studious.
I was the class monitor for several years. And "Most Courteous Boy" for several years as well.
YES, we actually had that title, and every year, each class would select a representative for that award. We even had a badge for it: a yellow smiley face with a green bow tie.
It was horrendous, and embarassing to be crowned as the "Courteous Boy" but back then, I didn't care that much.
Well. Come to think of it, I was most probably a horrible suckup. I dunno.
But I remember being very snappish with peers though, because I was so high strung with trivial matters like keeping quiet when standing in line, not talking when the teacher was talking etc. (I must admit that the current me thinks that I was a real pain in the ass then.)

Which probably explains why teachers like to put naughtier students next to me in seating arrangements. Yeah. I was (and maybe still am) a 康正行.
I was the kind of boy that teachers hope would tame the wild, ruly ones.
The interesting thing here is that the meaning of 'Damian' in Latin is 'to tame'. Kinda cool, but back then, I didn't know what to think of it. (I thought back then that the name "Damian" simply meant the son of the Devil, and only realised that was because of the stupid 'Omen' movies)

Lots of the friends I had in Primary school (at least from P1 to P4) were not friends that I willingly took up.
They were students that were in general thought by my teachers to be incorrigible, and probably had not much normal friends.

So I was their friend, maybe even their life bouy even.I would share my books with them (cause they always forgot to bring them), I would shush them when they started talking too loudly, I would teach them what little I knew that they didn't (although I was extremely impatient and was quite exasperated with them for being such slow learners)
And I guess some part of me loved that fact that I was making (whether it was significant or not) some sort of impact in their lives, and that I had some degree of influence in others.

Which makes me wonder if I actually took this with me when I grew up.
The friends I personally made as my own... did I become friends with them because I genuinely wanted to be friends with them, or merely because I felt a need to be friends with them, because in some ways or another, I felt they were being marginalised?

I was never someone who embraced being part of the majority. Maybe it was just me being rebellious, but I never placed myself in the position of being part of the crowd.
I dunno, I always felt a need to be with the uncool crowd, even if it meant being more lonely, or more isolated or whatever.
But the more you get into this quagmire of wanting to make a difference in someone's life, wanting to be that special someone that can change their lives, wanting to be that person that makes that special difference, the more difficult it is to get out of it, especially when it starts to hurt you.

Its complicated.

康正行与余守恆.
他们俩的感情, 是友情或爱情 ,自己也可能一辈子都想不清吧.
而两人中间又出现了一个惠嘉, 一个好无恶意的女生, 一个不小心, 就把所有的一切变得更加复杂，变得更加杂乱.
纸包不住火.
事实与真相是你无法用一生去逃避，去隐藏的.
总有一天, 你还是得勇敢的面对现实， 还是得将一切说清楚.
后果会是这么样,总比活在谎言里，来得宽敞, 来得舒服, 来得自在, 来得简单.