| Monday, 2 April 2007 |
| i want to commit bird murder |
UPDATE @ 2244: DAMN IT! THE STUPID BIRD IS SCREECHING RIGHT NOW. ARRGGGHHHH!
One of my neighbours owns a pet cockatoo.
Wow. A pet cockatoo! You know, those white birds with yellow combs, hooked beaks and a rather nasal sounding voice/call/screech/whatever.
I am an animal lover. Okay, I love all animals, big and small, except maybe mosquitoes and sharks, but yesh, the point is, I love animals.
So normally, I would be quite pleased if my neighbour owes a cockatoo. It'll add some cheer to the surroundings.
Unfortunately, I am not in that happy place right now. I am a medical student who has to do some bit of revision everyday, and medical students that are facing an impending exam don't do well with noise. Let alone noises from a screeching bird. A freaking, screeching bird.
I wouldn't mind if the bird chooses to do its screeching the bright morning of day. I mean, I think it'll be quite charming if it did; its like its telling the world it loves the light of day. Okay, I'm fine with that.
But NOOooooooOOOoooo! The stupid feather brained cockatoo just loves to do its screeching when the sun is long down and the moon is long out. When half the world is asleep, when I am either trying to finish reading my last paragraph or last page of a certain chapter in a textbook, or a certain set of notes.
It chooses to keep up its periodic screeches when I am lying on my bed, tossing and turning, trying to get to sleep. The freaking bird just doesn't know when to shut up!
Which is why I am seriously contemplating my options of committing bird murder and not getting caught in the process of doing so.
Unfortunately, its quite hard to do so because:
1. I do not know which exact household owns the stupid bird.
2. I think it'll be quite hard to catch a stupid cockatoo, especially if it starts flying.
3. I don't really know what kind of metabolic poison to give to a bird: is it the same for humans and animals? Can I give it like cyanide or 2,4 DNP or cyclohexamide or something?
4. How do I even get access to the bird in the first place? It'll be too conspicuous for me to just turn up and knock on someone's door and ask to see their resident noisemaking bird.
5. My mom actually loves the damn bird. She finds its calls 'charming'. Pppppfffttttt!
So I decided that I can't really kill the bird with my own hands... so I've been trying to bride the cat of my other neighbour to kill the bird.
She's (I think its a she) this really fat, proud, white cat with loads of fur. She's been using my garden as an expressway for getting around the estate, and we've been nice enough to allow her to use it free all this time without having to pay for its usage.
So I thought its high time that she pays her due - by helping me to kill the damn bird. But being a stuck up cat that she is, she has refused to listened to me or take the little bits of snacks that I've been offering. Pompous prissy pig.
Maybe I should consider committing cat murder as well.
See all this wouldn't be a problem if I had a dog.
I'll just send my dog to go puncture the cat's esophagus or something, and send my dog to decapitate the stupid cockatoo. And the thing is dogs are loyal creatures and they'll gladly take the rat for it. Wee-hee!
(and you guys wonder why I want a dog. Muahahaha.)
Please don't report me to the SPCA. I really do love animals. (Most of the time anyway.)Labels: list, madness |
posted by voldemort33 @ 20:17  |
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