I dunno what to say. Listening to this song always erm... makes me sad.
Mistakes. That's what they all were. Making mistakes, isn't that how we all learn? How we all learn to pick ourselves up? How we all learn to grow up? How we all learn to handle ourselves, and others better? But why do I feel as if I can never ever learn from them? Especially those made in forging/maintaining/keeping a relationship?
I sometimes wonder if everything that happened, was entirely my fault. If I didn't make those decisions, things would probably be in less complicated state today. But then, we all know it takes 2 hands to clap. So if the other refuses to co-operate, nothing will ever come out of it. We'll be better off doing stuff on our own.
Is it wrong to cover up a relationship that wasn't even stable? Is it wrong to hide something that isn't even there? I dunno. But girls can be so... fickle and complicated. You give in to their every wimp and fancy, and they get tired and sick of you. You stand your ground and they accuse you of being chauvinistic and insensitive. All I can say is, I've tried my best, but its obvious that my best isn't enough to meet your demands. And maybe its better if nothing even happened and we just revert to what we were from the very start. (anyway, I'm good at the 'reverting to just being friends thing' considering that I've been doing that for almost 3 years now.)
Maybe I'm just not cut out to be in a relationship at all. I just can't stand it when things turn into the constant need to assure someone and give in to someone. Insecurity in people just... irks me and the problem with so many girls these days is that they always give in to their insecurities. I need someone who is strong, confident and independent, who doesn't need constant saving. But also someone who is kind, gentle, and respectful of my views and opinions. Someone... like oh Addison or Meredith! And I guess, I just haven't found or met someone like that yet.
I like this particular stanza. I'm a flawed, flawed person. I know that. I know that I'm always preoccupied with other stuff, stuff like work, stuff like friends, stuff like family, stuff like living my own life, doing my own things. But honestly, haven't you been busy with your life as well? Was it wrong to give you your own space? You didn't want to rush into things, neither did I. And when I decided to slow down, you start accusing people of not being there, not being interested anymore. Seriously. What can I say? See, this is the sort of thing that I find so troublesome about girls and relationships. You want something, but you also want the exact opposite. The thing is, it infuriates guys.
I honestly don't think I'm suited for the whole marriage, settling down thing. I find it so bordersome. Aren't I a jerk for thinking that way? Its just weird. I can be responsible for the lives and problems of others, but when it comes to my own life, I just don't see the need to make it right. Where's the responsibility in it?
You don't read this anyway, so really, I don't think there's much point in writing anymore stuff. Sigh. We'll see how it goes. I've got more pressing issues ahead anyway.
Name: voldemort33
XY, 01/06/1987, s'porean typical geminian free-thinker moody & eccentric thinks far too much for his own good med student (be afraid. be very afraid!) demon45_6f@hotmail.com
crazy craves
music (jazz, rock and lounge) day-dreaming drawing & photography animals (sheep!) chocolate and tea! seafood, noodles and soup!
pet peeves
noisy crowds over-possessive, insecure, whiny people two-faced hypocrites housework and homework being called 'rich' rushing to do stuff crying, pesky kids
deepest darkest desires! (aka wishlist!)
to be a doctor (with a heart of gold!) a dog my own condo apartment a driving license and my own four wheel drive my own comic line someone to hug
