| Sunday, 18 November 2007 |
| tis highschool with scalpels |
CALLIE: "Four years of high school, four years of college, four years of med school. By the time we graduate we're in our late 20s and we've never done anything except go to school and think about science. Time stops. We're socially retarded. Ha, I mean, look at me, I'm in love with a guy who won't say he loves me back and here I am, in his kitchen, just hoping he comes home and notices me. I'm that girl, who sits in the back of the class and eats her hair. And Meredith, she's 17 years old, we're all 17 years old. This is high school with scalpels, Finn."
Its amazing how the scriptwriters of Grey's Anatomy can take a offhand remark from an episode two seasons ago, and make it the central theme of a new episode of Grey's. See, this is exactly why they deserve a raise. So give in to the strike, rich television broadcast companies! Give them their much deserved pay increment and stop jeopardizing my source of future episodes of favourite shows.
I am in a very emo mood. Perhaps its due to the lunch with old classmates, or mugging with Suan or the long MSN conversation with Geraldine. Or perhaps its just me reacting to the fact that I spent 70 odd dollars on CDs yesterday. But I'm in a very passionate mood about this whole issue and this calls for a good old fashioned Bailey styled rant/speech/whatever.
Its so so true isn't it? As much as we try to convince ourselves that we have grown up and matured alot since high school, the fact is that we HAVE NOT grown up at all. We are still stuck in the same kind of situations, the same kind of problems, the kind of social traps and stigmas of high school, and best of all, we are nowhere better equipped/experienced/able to handle them. Nothing much has changed since we left that cut throat environment 4 years ago. Nothing at all.
In so many ways, Medical School (or University for that matter), is just like High school. Everyone wants to be happy and loved and popular and safe in their own little delightful circles of joy, peace and laughter. Nobody wants to be troubled, nobody wants to be dragged down into unhappiness, nobody wants to help those that have issues and are deemed as the 'scary and damaged'. We all too cooped up making sure that our own personal lives are all bright and happy and prom-king/queen perfect. All the majority wants to do is have fun.
Someone said that Medical School isn't clique-ish. Well, as much as we all hope it wouldn't be that way, it still is.
We have the popular kids, the people who are out there attracting all the flak and arrows: when times are good, people accuse them of being suck ups, when things end up badly, we accuse them of screwing up.
We have the geeks, commonly labeled as chronic muggers who spend their days memorizing textbooks, whose home is the library where they spend majority of their time there, just enjoying reading textbook after textbook and freaking the rest of the population out.
We have the jocks, all big and muscled, who sit near the back of the lecture theatre, in their own little community of frat boy styled height of cool, their circle of 'macho-ness'.
We have the ostracized kids, that people gossip about, bitch about, point fingers at, whisper about them behind their backs and basically try to avoid all forms of social dealings with them.
We have the cheerleaders, the ultimate social animals, people who just want to have fun, have lots and lots of fun in their own circle of friends, oblivious to what the rest of the world thinks, just happy in their own little circle of fun.
We have the emo kids, the angsty, anti-social people who think anti-establishment, dark and twisty, scary thoughts, people who self isolate, people who just don't want to interact with others, who sit on the fringes of the social environment and observe everything that is going on.
And we have the seemingly normal ones - who are neither here nor there. People who aren't popular, people who aren't lonely, people who seem to have a balanced life, a life with occasional bouts of fun but also have their fair share of problems as well.
As much as we try to convince ourselves that we have moved on from the awkwardness of the situations that define what it was to be in High School, we are no different from where we started. We still have our petty disagreements, our messy love lifes, our own social conflicts and dilemmas, our own fair share of secrets and hiding and mask wearing, of back-stabbing and politics and manipulation. We are no closer to being mature individuals and grown ups that we all (hopefully) aspire to be.
We hide behind a screen of pseudo-happiness and protection, we try to convince ourselves that by not caring, by washing your hands off the matter, by acting as if nothing has happened, that things will not affect you. We act cool and composed, that we don't care at all, that we aren't affected by this and that, when in actual fact, we are just avoiding our issues and our problems, many of which are self inflicted and self propagated. And it is this that infuriates me.
We run away when problems arise, and if we judge that the problems are gone, we come back all happy as if nothing bad has ever happened. And when we judge that the problems become too much to handle, that even if it ends, the cost of maintaining things is too high, we end it, as if personal relationships are some sort of business, economic transaction that could be measured by cost and profit.
I was one of the angsty, emo, anti-social kids in High School. I was never popular, I never held a post in any form of committee. I avoided leadership positions because I was beyond that kind of crap. I hated the social, happy, enthusiastic student leader creeps. I despised the cheerleaders and the social animals. And no one ever bordered to approach me because I scared them off with my killer glare and snide, sarcastic remarks. Which is ironic because despite not wanting to talk to people, I would most definitely have welcomed anyone who was willing to listen to my views on how things were, views that were formulated from long years of sitting on the fringes of society and just observing how people(and society) worked.
But I had friends who were willing to listen to me. I had that small group of friends: one, or two, or perhaps three people that understood me, that were going through a similar experience, people I could really trust, that I would willingly die for. And if anything, I learnt that these type of friendships are the ones that mattered, that these are the types of friendships worth keeping.
And perhaps that was the ultimate lesson that I had learnt from high school.
People ask me why I'm so willing to put up with all this darkness and unhappiness and crap thrown at me. I will simply say that I never give up on friends even when they turn all dark and twisty, because I am dark and twisty, I am an emo kid, and I'm proud of it. I know how it is to be lonely, I know how frustrating to feel like no one understands you, I know how irksome it is to see the rest of the world feeling all bright and happy when you just aren't in the mood for saccharine sweetness. So I never give up, even if things appear tough, even if things aren't easy, even if things are tiring and difficult. Simple as that. I-NEVER-GIVE-UP.
MEREDITH: "There comes a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up? In some ways we grow up; we have families... we get married, divorced... but for the most part we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling... forever wondering, forever... young."
We will forever be young, we will never grow up. We will forever be stumbling in the big mess called life, forever foolish, forever young. Perhaps it'll be better if we just accept that not everyone can act happy all the time.Labels: emo, grey's anatomy, soul |
posted by voldemort33 @ 12:03  |
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