| Saturday, 3 November 2007 |
| i just want you to know who i am |
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
____________________________________________
I was studying in school today when this particular song came up on air on Class 95's all 90s weekend.
Nice song.
Studying in school today was a strange experience. I know its sounds silly to hear this, but today, for the first time in my rather short life, I finally felt like a University student.
I know its ridiculous to hear me say this because I've been in University for almost a year and a half now, but today's the first time where I really felt like a University student - walking around the Central Library, walking around the huge campus, not knowing anyone, just me alone with my file of COFM notes, knowing that I'm here to study and focus on reading that pile of hellish nonsense in my hands. Made me understand that there's nothing to it but to slug it up and do it.
Kinda sad because I attribute the feeling as one of feeling very very old and jaded. And seriously, I could do with not feeling so old and jaded all the time.
It doesn't help that majority of my friends in the Army are out enjoying ORD-parties and dinners and drunken slug-fests right now. Not that I should be jealous or anything, because I had my share of amazing happiness when I disrupted last July.
But anyway, congratulations to all of you who ORD-ed! You guys really earned your freedom! And deserved it! Which is a far cry from what I can say about myself. =p
And to the guys who have yet to ORD, hang in there! It'll be over in a jiffy, and then you'll be enjoying your time in our bright and wonderful world as well.
Its strange to think that while I'm of the same age as these newly ORD-ed guys, I feel like I'm at least 5 years older than them. Which leaves me to wonder if a year and a half in University really is that challenging - so much so it has this profound effect on my mental age.
Or it could just be me being all old and sagely and wise again - I've always said that I age too fast, and that I age too much. While there isn't a thing called the fountain of Youth, I wouldn't mind taking a sip from it, so as to reverse this premature aging by just a little bit.
By the way, COFM really sucks. The Greene's Precede model is the most ridiculous thing I've ever forced myself to read and study. I can't believe that I spent my afternoon reading up on it today.
I do not understand why people can spend a great deal of their time and lives to come up with silly theoretical models of make believe nonsense and muck - as if following these theories set in a so-called 'model' can help you get 100% of your patients to listen to you and change their wayward behaviours for you.
Do they seriously expect us to apply such models in our actual practice? Do they seriously harbor the thoughts that such models would actually work? If they do, then I must say, I think they are awfully deluded.
It takes away the fun in interacting with patients, and makes it impossible to enjoy the process of talking to a patient without having to think and consider whether I've tackled all the Predisposing factors that could affect his behavioral change and that I should go on to increase his self efficacy and strengthen his Enabling factors.
Communication with patients comes spontaneously and naturally, not just based on some stupid model - its this kind of pseudo-organisation and attempt to create some sense out of the chaos that infuriates me.
Its just so typical of mankind isn't it? They can't afford to not appear to be in control of the unknown - they simply have to have a plan, a guideline to follow, and noooOoOOooooo, they won't simply just roll with the punches and let it all flow naturally. Insufferable prudes.
And now, I must leave you because duty calls upon me to learn and decipher the delicate nature of illness behaviour, and the fine art of tackling it as a Physician, without which, I am sure, I would be considered a total failure in the eyes of my illustrious forefathers and peers.Labels: music, school |
posted by voldemort33 @ 21:33  |
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