I really find myself having less and less things to blog about. I don't know if its because I've become less introspective, or more used to the way life sucks, but yes, I'm feeling drained and dry all the time. I lack the inspiration to blog and I'm seriously considering leaving blogging altogether. Then I won't have anymore excuses to not join facebook.
Ambivalence. That's the word to describe how I've been feeling over the past week. I don't know if you guys noticed, but its been a wet week. Every morning, I wake up to rain, which totally kills my mood and desire to go out, so I'll just choose to mope at home and play computer games til I feel like puking. Then I'll stop and maybe just read a bit of Pathology to try and dissipate a little of the guilt that builds up in me. But yes, I find life just too ordinary to have any thoughts and feelings. Ask me how I'm feeling and I'll say that I'm not feeling particularly happy or delighted with the way things are going, but then again, I'm not feeling particularly depressed or resentful about anything in life as well.
And that's the problem. Its just a state of ambivalence, where nothing seems to matter and nothing seems to inspire me or excite me. So I just don't feel anything at all. And that is why I don't think I should continue blogging anymore because I feel like I've nothing else to say or share with whoever still reads this place. I dunno. Maybe I just need to find another direction with my blogging, revamp my blogging so as to develop something that would interest me again, because right now, my passion for blogging's really a far cry from the passion I had 2 years ago.
Then again, it could just be the fact that I live a rather boring life. But I'm too lazy to seek adventure. Blah.
Another week has come and gone, and we make our way into the month of May. Its amazing how fast time flies.
Today was a good day. School was unbelievably short, with a single 2 hour tutorial scheduled at 0830 and time to clerk patients after, I was out of school at around 12 for a lunch session with the whole of the CG at Vivocity. And then I was back home at around 3. The earliest I've been home in ages.
The latest episode of 'Grey's Anatomy' was brilliant. I like the fact that the episodes are of better quality now. I think the Writers' strike was in a sense a good development because it gave the writers time to think and map out the remaining story lines in a proper, tight, coherent manner, so the post strike episodes are so far so darn good. This week's episode had a guest appearance by Addison, and I think all the fans would agree with me on this, that we really miss her and this week's episode just highlighted just how much more interesting and funny the show would be if she were still around. Addison's cool. I like the way she has established relationships with quite a number of the characters, relationships that are unique: there's the whole Mer-Der-Addy love triangle, the Addy-Sloan flirtation, the Alex-Addy sexual tension, the Izzie-Addy student/mentor thing, Addy-Callie girl pals vibe, Chief-Addy father/daughter bond and Addy-Bailey mutual respect feeling. It really was extremely intelligent of the writers to bring her back and capitalize on these relationships that Addison has with these other characters. Smooth move.
'Brothers & Sisters' was also good this week. I like the fact that the show has some of the best lines ever, even better than 'Grey's'. I mean, 'Grey's' has some seriously funny lines, but 'Brothers & Sisters' has like funny lines ALL OVER! The show doesn't have a single moment where I'm not impressed with the stuff the writers come up with. And the actors' delivery of the lines in 'Brothers' is just fantastic. They deliver it in a spitfire fashion that's so quick and smooth I'm amazed that its not all real. Solid acting by a solid cast.
Leaving the world of television behind, I am happy because other people are unlucky and ended up in their own private mess or nightmare. Okay, so I'm a mean mean person who builds his happiness on others' misfortune. But hey, its schadenfreude! Such things happen all the time, and we really just can't help it. At least I'm honest enough to admit it. Hehe.
Oh and I'll like to announce that there will be a drastic decrease in the quality & quantity of posts over the next few weeks (probably even years). As I start to get use to the regularity of clinical life, I'm getting less inspiration to blog. Heck, I don't even bother to proof read my entries anymore, so I'm not surprised if the entries these days are filled with grammatical and spelling errors! So I'll be very happy if I can squeeze out up to 3 entries of substantial quality per week. So really, don't waste too much time here. Not like you have been getting much from here before anyway!
DAMN THE VIDEO'S GOOD. I love the way they used all the footages of important historical events and people... it really puts perspective to the whole evolution of modern society and the screwed up journey mankind has so far embarked upon. And the last few images of Hilary and Obama - there's no knowing what the future holds if either wins the US presidency. Again, this begs the question of where we are all headed to: the depths of inferno and hell, or even greater heights. This song is most defintiely going to be my theme for 2008.
"I believe the world is burning to the ground Oh well, I guess We're gonna find out Let's see how far we've come
I believe its all is coming to an end Oh well, I guess We're gonna pretend Let's see how far we've come" - "How Far We've Come", Matchbox Twenty
Fantastic NEW song by Matchbox Twenty! I love Matchbox Twenty, so any new album by them, even if its a greatest hits album, is good news to me. Just so happens the lyrics sorta fit the fact that its a new year right now. Okay, maybe they are a tab bit apocalyptic, but if you don't read it literally, you'll see that its actually really about taking stock of what we've done so far. And that's exactly what you do every time a new year comes.
I just woke up from staying up all night. 2008 has so far, been pretty much surreal. The last few hours of 2007, and the first few hours of 2008, was spent facing old demons, exploring new possibilities, reliving old memories and embracing new beginnings.
Ironically, one of the last things I did for 2007 was watch a rather depressing film about the end of the world. It wasn't the best film to watch on new year's eve, because it makes you fatalistic and wanna kill yourself because you wonder if there's ever any hope for mankind in the future. Plus 'I Am Legend' is a terrifying thriller, because of the resonating loneliness it generates. While not as gory as '28 Weeks Later', it was infinitely more terrifying because it plays with your mind. It plays on the very human fear of loneliness, it plays on human fears of being alone: one person against a whole army of flash eating zombies. A clever film that was intelligently crafted! While the ending of the movie is a tab bit anticlimactic, the film is a good one because of its intense ability to thrill and raise the heightened sense of fear in you. The scene in the dark cellar, where we first encounter said zombies was particularly frightening. *shudder* Watch it if you love horror thrillers, or if you love Will Smith, because the star is fantastic as the conflicted military doctor hero who struggles between trying to find a cure and adapting to the emptiness of being alone. (On another hand, don't watch it if you love dogs more than you love humans!)
After watching the movie, I made my way, rather depressed and angsty, to Yisheng's house for 71's countdown get together. Played the usual drinking games, charades, mahjong, watched them play gross Indian Poker. Talked alot. And miraculously, I didn't sleep at all. Kheng Wee and I then drove the class to West Coast McDonald's for breakfast at like 5 something in the morning. After that, made my way back in the dawn, to go back to sleep til now.
2007 was a trying year, but definitely a year where I grew up by that little bit. Here's to a more fruitful (and safe!) 2008 to come! Cheers!
P.S.: A new year deserves a new blog skin. Something darker and more eerie because I've been inspired by both 'I Am Legend' and 'How Far We've Come'. Something hellish, because I believe, it all, is coming to an end. Yeah. =]
From S3E10 - Don't Stand So Close To Me: MEREDITH: -slams her locker door- "I can't take this anymore!" IZZIE: "What?" MEREDITH: "Let her off the hook. Let Cristina off the freaking hook." CRISTINA: "Meredith!" MEREDITH: "Izzie, you cut the LVAD wire and she stuck by you and did Denny's ECHO. Alex, you cheated on Izzie with syph nurse and she helped you study for your boards. And George, when everybody was calling you 007-" GEORGE: "She was calling me 007." -stomps out of the room- MEREDITH: "Just let her off the hook." ALEX: "It's okay." IZZIE: "Sorry." -After Izzie and Alex leaves- CRISTINA: "Why can't you just mind your own business? What is your problem?" MEREDITH: "You're my sister. You're my family. You're all I've got." CRISTINA: "... I'm so tired." MEREDITH: "I know. Me too." ________________________________________________
From S3E17 - Some Kind Of Miracle: CRISTINA: "Did you say something? Did you just speak?" MEREDITH: "Oo..uu.." CRISTINA: "Oh Meredith. OK, Mer, I don't understand you OK, so try again, try again, try again for me OK?" MEREDITH: *mumbles something incoherent* CRISTINA: "What? I can't... please, please don't be... YOUR BRAIN WORKS OK. So all you NEED to do is to form a word. Please." -After a long pause- MEREDITH: "....Ouch..." CRISTINA: "... OH GOD! Oh! HI! I'm getting married to Burke! NOT that that should be anywhere on your list of thoughts right now, but just in case you slip in the hall later on... You are the ONE person I wanted to tell... Thank you, for not dying." ________________________________________________
One of my favourite things about Grey's Anatomy, is the whole theme about friendship, especially that between Meredith and Cristina. (George and Izzie used to be another friendship that I loved too, but after they started the whole adultery between best friends thing, I got rather pissed with them.) These two women are so unbelievably different, but they way they clicked was so great that they really become perfect friends for each other. I love the way their friendship is so unconventional, and its not the kind where its all about the talk about being best friends. Their friendship is really based on action. They do things that show that they are best friends, they stick up for each other in ways, though unconventional, that really show the strength of their friendship.
I was rewatching the whole Ferry Disaster 3-episode arc thing today, and the scenes of Cristina and Meredith are some of the best scenes in Grey's ever. Tears were even welling in my eyes when the scene of Cristina first finding out that Meredith was dying was being played. Can you believe it? I almost cried. Almost. And I don't usually do emotions when I watch shows. And when Cristina demanded that the doctors try to save Mer one more time. Wow. The way she shouted, was just... phenomenal. Amazing.
Oh and I changed my skin. The old one was just getting on my nerves, and so, I changed it.
Its monday, and another "back to school" day! Oh, forced myself out of bed this morning when the alarm rang. But kept grumbling and grumbling in the process of doing so. It was quite unglam really, cause my face was flat on my bed, and the grumbling was right into it. Mouth full of fabric and stuff. Definitely unglam.
CA2 is just 2 weeks away. My thoughts about it? Hah! I dunno. It looks like its gonna be another mad rush again to just reach the finish line. I'm just gonna do my best, and whether a not its enough to get me a decent pass for all 3 tracks... who knows? There's still my 1st professionals roughly 1 month after the CAs. Now that's the one that I gotta really worry and pull all the tricks that I've got. That's the really really BIG one. The now or never, do or die thing. But that's still a considerable time away, so lets just concentrate on the impending CA shall we?
I've actually got a favour to ask from you guys. Erm... my blog's been having problems. A kind of a delayed update problem. My latest entries don't show on my main page until after probably 6 hours to the time I blogged, but it shows immediately on my archives. Anyone knows what's the deal with that? Gets on my nerves sometimes. So if you have any idea as to how to solve this, drop me a tag or something. Much appreciated.
I've just gotten 吴尊 real life personal blog add from Xinhui. Haha. I'm damn amused lah. Dunno how she found it or whatever, but since she insists he posts very good entries, just decided to read it. And they are pretty good! He has a surprisingly good command of mandarin, and while his blog entries are pretty ordinary, you know, updates on his life and stuff, they really are quite genuine. Its quite amusing to see so many females going gaga over him. But oh well. He is quite handsome and all, pretty boy looks, tall and well-built. He probably deserves the attention lah.
I'll try not to grumble to my bed again tomorrow morning. Hah!
Okay, due to people complaining (grumble.) I have added a tagboard.
You guys owe me 5 minutes of your life for making me do this. I could have spent it on more meaningful stuff... Like watching "Heroes". Damn. (better make use of it... if not, I'll be pretty unhappy!)
it feels weird to be back though. feels as if i'd been on a long holiday that ended too fast, too soon. but yes, this blog is back, up and running, all rearing to go again, 2 weeks premature, but thankfully, still healthy and viable.
can't believe i took the whole night just to get this template up and running though. the links took forever! and i'm not even done with it yet. goodness knows why i have so many links to put up. i should seriously cut back on internet time. half my time is spent just surfing around without any purpose, when i should be just focused on downloading shows and music and movies and what not. (tsk tsk) but anyway, yeah. i really ought to be reading up for physio, and doing my anat tutorials. but i suppose they can wait. *snicker*
i don't really have much to put up here in this first entry. haha. but the 5 weeks without a blog really made me miss blogging. made me realise that i can't really live without a blog. there's always this itch that needs to be scratched. this need to pen a thought down, so much so that without a blog, you can't find the outlet to achieve that.
anyway, i have great ambitions for this blog. hoping to develop a style that's radically different from the previous incarnations... who knows how it'll turn out! we'll see.
Name: voldemort33
XY, 01/06/1987, s'porean typical geminian free-thinker moody & eccentric thinks far too much for his own good med student (be afraid. be very afraid!) demon45_6f@hotmail.com
crazy craves
music (jazz, rock and lounge) day-dreaming drawing & photography animals (sheep!) chocolate and tea! seafood, noodles and soup!
pet peeves
noisy crowds over-possessive, insecure, whiny people two-faced hypocrites housework and homework being called 'rich' rushing to do stuff crying, pesky kids
deepest darkest desires! (aka wishlist!)
to be a doctor (with a heart of gold!) a dog my own condo apartment a driving license and my own four wheel drive my own comic line someone to hug
