Evil bubbles beneath every individual. Its just a matter of time before it is unleashed. Did you know that you had just come into contact with some of the most dangerous individuals of all time?
Its times like these that I wish he were still alive to tell me not to give in. Not to give in, not to give in, not to give in.
Looking at the photos that Geraldine and Gladys posted up on their blogs have made me immensely jealous of the fact that they had a great time in Australia while I was languishing somewhere in SGH. I miss being abroad with friends. Its just not the same with family... because there's so much less spontaneous interaction with family than friends. I dunno. I feel very very much demoralized and irritated with alot of things that I can't tell people about. Its very sickening.
I was reading at Geraldine's blog when I suddenly had this sudden desire to meet up with GAG again and just have a day or even night out where I can just say anything under the sun and even slam medicine. I miss the nonsensical conversations with them... stuff that don't make sense, stuff that may make sense, and stuff that make me feel more grounded. I feel guilty that I don't meet up with them that often, that my schedule's really impossible and I hardly even go online now to chat with them...But yet, I really miss talking to them. Because conversations with them gives me a chance to be who I really am - and allow me to blabber nonstop.
2 epic movies. If you don't catch either of them, you deserve to die!
I watched the movie '赤壁' with my family last night. It was a last minute thing, because I was really affected by whatever happened last night and desperately needed to do something completely unrelated to medicine and also desperate for a reason to get out of the house. I pitched the idea of watching the movie with my brother, who, being who he is, managed to get my parents to watch it with us as well. So the four of us went down to AMK hub, bought tickets for the earliest show possible (10.20 pm) and watched the movie. Thank god for the reason to stop thinking about stuff though.
'赤壁' is quite a good movie. I feel quite sad that I'm typing this review about it right after watching 'The Dark Knight' because, well, the latter is infinitely better so I don't think what I am going to type about the former right now is going to do justice to it either. While it isn't as perfect as 'The Dark Knight', '赤壁' is still a pretty good movie. It does have a few weakness, such as its overly long pacing, its many convoluted plots and subplots, and some really weird editing, but it soars in terms of its cinematography, its complexity, its breath taking battle scenes and its solid ensemble cast. The show boasts some of the finest stars in Asia, all of them playing characters who are legendary figures in Chinese literature. Tony Leung, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Chang Chen all of them were all pretty good in their respective roles. I was particularly surprised by Takeshi's ability to pull off his rather hippie portrayal of Zhuge Liang, I must say that its a very different take on the character and he makes him more eccentric and debonair than traditional portrayals of him. The movie is bloody, violent and epic in its making, but the ending really is a kill joy as it ends abruptly, forcing you to wake up to the reality that the conclusion of the whole story is only going to be shown on screen in January next year when the second part is released then.
While it is a fantastic show on its own right, '赤壁' cannot compare to the masterpiece that is 'The Dark Knight'.
This is arguably one of the best movies ever, and definitely the best sequel ever. One of the reasons why I found it so enjoyable was the fact that it is one of the darkest films in a long long time. Dark, sinister and psychotic, but all in an artful and intelligent way. The story was engaging, the pacing was exhilarating, the action jaw dropping and the acting... unbelievable. The cast of 'The Dark Knight' is one of the strongest ensemble cast ever and I'm so glad they replaced Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes. The cast is just... genius. Every single actor portrayed their character so realistically and stunningly human. Cristian Bale is once again superbly stoic and tormented as Batman; Michael Cain is endearing as Alfred; Morgan Freeman is all wise and witty as Lucius Fox; Maggie Gyllenhaal is so much stronger as Rachel; Gary Oldman is perfectly subtle as Commissioner Gordon and Aaron Eckhart superbly righteous then angsty as Harvey Dent/Two-face.
But the best praises and accolades should really be left for the late Heath Ledger who would surely be propel into the realms of legends with his amazing performance as the Joker. I found it very sad to watch the last scene with him in it... there was this scene where after the Batman managed to finally apprehend the Joker, the psychotic clown said something along the lines that the two of them would probably continue to battle each other for all eternity. It was a very ironic and haunting think to hear that line because we all know the reality of things and that this Joker will never be able to appear in any other Batman movie ever. There will never be a villain like Heath Ledger's Joker. He has brought the bar to an even higher level.
I'm sure we have all read reports on how great and amazing his performance was, how terrifying and sadistic and psychotic it was, and of course, all those talk about a posthumous Oscar. But you really have to watch it to witness first hand the genius of a performance the man had put it because no words can describe how he did it. He was terrifying, he was sadistic, he was psychotic, yes... he was all that, but he did it in a way that wasn't over the top. He did it in a way that was entirely realistic, and it made it startling clear that such crazy, evil, and monstrous men could really exist. There may one day be someone as maniacal as his Joker who would walk the streets of any great city in the world, terrifying and terrorizing the people into submission. Once again, this just strengthens my theory, that its so much more fun to be the villain than to be the hero. Which is the morality of the film really... how strong a person are you and how long can you keep your convictions without ever falling to the dark side?
"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
Heath Ledger's performance is reason enough to warrant a re-watch of this movie. Its going to be the last full performance that he will ever give and its a real pity because you really want to see this iconic take of an iconic character live on in feature sequels to come, but of course, that simply can't happen anymore. There are reports that its going to be difficult for Christopher Nolan to ever top this film with a third film in the event that he wants to create a trilogy, and I agree with those reports. Whoever the new villain is, the actor has amazingly big shoes to fill. He or she would be trying to live up to a performance that would continue to terrify the hearts and inspire the minds of many in the long years to come.
I dunno what else to say. I need to vanish from this place for awhile...
I told myself not to think about it. But you know what they say about the stages of grief. There's denial, then anger, and finally acceptance.
To discover that a patient that you have gotten to know so well, so much so that you develop a kind of friendship or bond with him, had passed on is just... indescribable. No words can express the cacophony of emotions I felt when his wife told me that he didn't make it. I dunno whether I was more angry at myself for not even knowing that he had passed, or that I was had just made his wife sad again. I feel like I'm really quite useless a person, let alone a doctor. I don't see how I can ever become a competent one. Seriously.
Its only week 4 and I'm beginning to feel that everything I do is caustic to patients... that I exist only to bring more harm to them. I think I must be the only medical student to ever start feeling this way just 4 weeks into clinicals. My physical examination skills are more cumbersome than smooth, there are amazing lapses in my knowledge... I'll probably end up as some screwed up doctor who does more harm than good to his patients. Seriously. I must be the first ever student to feel this way just 4 weeks into clinicals. I'm probably the first ever student to face the issue of patient death just 4 weeks into clinicals as well.
I know we are supposed to get used to it, because we'll see lots of death in this line of work. I know we are supposed to learn how to not let such events affect us. But its just way too soon for me to be facing such issues. Way too soon. I was caught off guard, and it really is an unpleasant, horrible feeling.
I just found out that lectures start at 11:00 am tomorrow. Hence I decided to not catch up with much needed sleep and risk a little facet of my sanity by staying up to blog.
I just got back from Kheng Wee's 21st birthday party... the thing about 21st birthday parties, is that its always more fun to be a guest than to be the host of the party itself. You don't really get to enjoy your own party, because it always ends up to be a logistics nightmare. Plus, you have so many guests to entertain that you often find yourself hard pressed for time to even get to talk to all of them. But when you are a guest, you have all the right in the world to engage in crazy merry making. You don't have to care if its awkward or not, just go ahead and party your life away!
I enjoyed myself at Kheng Wee's party today, because I got to see so many members of 71 today, especially the people from overseas! Ailin and Huilin were both there! Haven't seen the two of them in ages, and I must say it always feels great to be able to talk to the two of them. Both of them are very sensible, and always have a calming and positive effect on my rather erratic thought processes and moods. I must say very few of my friends have that kind of an effect on me... hmmm. But yes, the Econs S people owe me a birthday celebration! Econs S should just meet up for a celebratory dinner for all the birthdays that we had missed! Hope I have time to squeeze out of my busy schedule...
I was complaining to Ailin about how I sometimes feel so demoralized at the end of every single day because of the sheer exhaustion of clinical work. Its strange because I really really enjoy clinical work. When I'm in the hospital, I don't feel tired, or demoralized at all, mainly due to the fact that I hate to waste my time in the hospital complaining about the workload or how tired I am. I really do feel my best in the hospital, but its the lecture sessions and the nights at home that are truly the worst aspect of the whole business of clinicals. I was telling her how I sometimes feel that I've entered an industry that seems to lack in appreciation. I must say that she said some stuff that really made me feel much better about my current situation and that she reminded me that its all a game of perseverance! And she's right: I think we do need friends who aren't from medicine to remind us about such stuff. At the end of the day, its all about reminding ourselves that our lives aren't just about medicine and that there's something more than just books, patients and procedures.
I am supposed to do something that Geraldine tagged me to do, but I'm feeling lazy right now... We'll see if I have the time for it in the upcoming week. My entries are becoming more and more sporadic and mundane... but I guess I'm just not getting the level of inspiration that I used to have.
Just a quick update here before my blog ends up in a garbage dump full of rotten vegetables due to the lack of updates...
I was waiting for my mum to pick me up from school today when I decided to go walk round the pseudo museum located in MD11. I was looking at the different plaques hung on the wall, the plaques that listed the names of the different generations of Deans and Department heads when I remembered that I did the exact same thing almost 4 years ago, on that fateful day when I first made up my fickle mind to get into a med school and be a doctor.
I remember feeling so awe-inspired by the columns of names that hung from the walls of the room. I don't really know what it was, but there was this sense of wanting to be part of this illustrious cause and glorious legacy, to be part of an institution or fraternity that had produced countless and countless generations of other talents before me, to be part of a long line of successors to a profession that severely tested the depths of human compassion and patience.
That was me when I was in JC1, 4 freaking long years ago. I didn't even dare imagine that I would one day be in Medical School. But then, I made the cut 2 years later... and before I even knew it, I was playing my way through M1, crawling my way through M2... and now, I'm here at the start of M3, in my long sleeve shirt and trousers, waiting to go home and recuperate before I start another day in the hospitals trying to develop a system of learning that would better train me to become a better doctor. I suddenly realise that its really not all fun and games, which is ironic because I've always known that it was never going to be all fun and games, just that I never thought the situation would develop that quickly into the situation that it is today.
And as I stood there looking at those names hung up on the wall, I suddenly realised that I no longer had that same kind of awe that I used to have when I looked up to see those great names staring back at me. Its a sad thing to realise that those hallowed grounds that you once cherished have ceased to be the same place that it once was.
Its strange to note that I'm having all these sudden thoughts just when the new batch of freshmen have started to embark on their first foray into Medicine. Anyway, time to continue with my written report. Sigh.
Name: voldemort33
XY, 01/06/1987, s'porean typical geminian free-thinker moody & eccentric thinks far too much for his own good med student (be afraid. be very afraid!) demon45_6f@hotmail.com
crazy craves
music (jazz, rock and lounge) day-dreaming drawing & photography animals (sheep!) chocolate and tea! seafood, noodles and soup!
pet peeves
noisy crowds over-possessive, insecure, whiny people two-faced hypocrites housework and homework being called 'rich' rushing to do stuff crying, pesky kids
deepest darkest desires! (aka wishlist!)
to be a doctor (with a heart of gold!) a dog my own condo apartment a driving license and my own four wheel drive my own comic line someone to hug
