No no no, its not the HORRIBLE song by Taiwanese boyband 5566, but a nicer song that features multiple artistes. I think its one of the songs in the running to be the official theme for the Beijing Olympics and its called "北京欢迎你". I actually think its quite a nice song. It has a tune that's super easy to remember, (although it gets boring towards the end because the tune basically repeats itself for over 7 minutes), the fact that many of my favourite singers performed it makes me like the song even more. I mean there's Yanzi, there's Leehom, there's Eason Chen, there's Karen Mok, there's Gigi Leong, there's Fanfan, there's JJ Lin... So many of my favourite artistes! I especially like Yanzi's part right at the beginning. Her voice has this quality that's quite enchanting and it makes me happy. Seriously. Seriously seriously happy.
ANYWAY. I know lots of my friends in Medicine hate China. But the fact is, I don't. I've always felt that I owe my life to 3 countries: Singapore, because obviously, I was born and raised here; The UK, because I've always been educated and inculcated with the good old traditional British values and morals that originated there, and lastly China, because that's where my ancestry lies and where all that rich ethnic culture remains. I know China doesn't have a good track record and that well, she hasn't been the most perfect country to have ever existed, but then again, no country is perfect. I know that China can appear a tab bit uncouth and irritating sometimes, but then again, you have gotta give them some credit and respect for being able to advance and develop at such a rate that's really incredible for their size. Sure Singapore managed to do it, but I assure you, its easier to develop a small island nation than a huge landmass like China. Its not as if the Chinese don't have the capabilities to refine their act, its just that they have been so busy playing catch up with the rest of the world that they have had no time to inject the necessary refinement at all. So the end product is this huge prospering nation, who has just began to embrace the wealth and power that capitalism and industrialization brings, but has absolutely no idea how to package and turn themselves into something more classy like the Europeans or trend setting like the Americans. And thus, we get the rather unrefined Chinese running around, irking everyone with their rather non polite ways.
I think its best that we give China time to develop into something that's more refined, more civilized. Give it time to open up, to liberate itself, to refine itself, to turn itself into a 1st class act. That's the only way China will grow and eventually 'get there.'
I am not here to support China and its supposed lack of human rights. I am not here to comment on whether Tibet should be free or not. I just think that such business is something that is entirely China's own business and should not be linked to the Olympics. The Olympics should never have been dragged into this muddy quagmire of internation politics. Sure, we've seen previous incidents where the sanctity of the Olympic flame has been abused by political activists and players to further their respective goals. We've seen Hitler using his Berlin Olympics as an attempt to showcase Aryan supremacy. We've seen Soviet and US led boycotts in Games held during the Cold War. We've seen Islamic terrorists killing Israeli athletes during the Munich Olympics. So yeah, shouldn't it be time that we STOP using the Olympics as a tool for politics?
I think its very sad and disappointing, despicable even that activists all around the world have decided to raise the Tibetan issue now, just when China is about to do something that she is immensely proud of, something that she feels will make her part of the world. Like what our PM said, the Beijing Olympics IS China's big coming out party. And we are spoiling it by making all these noises and squeaks and suggesting that nations boycott the Beijing Olympics. Why now? Why now when you know the Chinese government cannot do anything drastic to tarnish her image just as she prepares to host the biggest sporting event in the world, an event which preaches peace and tolerance and friendship among all nations? And all that talk about boycotting, now that is a very foolish thing to do. If nations of the West DO boycott the Beijing Olympics, it'll achieve nothing but probably another generation of unhappiness and hatred between China and the World and when the Chinese finally overtake the USA as the world's superpower within the next 5 decades or so, we would all reap the punishment and hard life that we so obstinately sowed.
I've been waiting for the Beijing Olympics since 2002 when it was first announced that Beijing won the bid. I just pray, and hope, that it'll be a peaceful, trouble free, and spectacular one.
*Update* OMG, there's an EVEN NICER SONG! Apparently, this is the official song for the Olympic torch relay! Its nice and has Yanzi and Leehom in it! Woot!
Callie: "Erh, anyone ever think you two are a couple?" Meredith: "No because we screw boys like whores on tequilla.." Cristina: "And then either try to marry them or drown ourselves."
And talk about AWKWARDNESS! Addison meets the 'HAPPY COUPLE'!
In short, Addison's back at Seattle Grace! For one episode only! Woo-hoo!
Thank god for the end of the writers' strike. Today, I spent the afternoon watching the first new episodes of the dramas 'Grey's Anatomy' and 'Brothers & Sisters' to be produced in months. And I've got to say, the producers of these series are back in a vengeance. The quality of this week's episodes are some of the best seen this season, especially so for 'Grey's'. This week's episode was just a right dose of humour and drama, and sorta correlates with what we, as medical students, are currently going through right now. I loved it.
"The 4 pillars of medicine are anatomy, physiology, pathology and the art of conning patients" - Anon
And speaking of what we are going through right now, the second week of CSFC has finally come to an end, and we end it off with the release of the results of our year 2 finals. So I'm officially a M3 student now! (Sigh!) I must admit I was very disillusioned with what I was doing when I was shadowing some big shot Orthopaedics surgeon in clinics yesterday. Just seeing the way he treats his patients made me feel like whatever we are doing now is of absolutely NO use at all. All those stuff about communicating with the patient, of feeling empathy with patients, of treating them as respectable human beings, really seem like crap taught to us to ensure that the faculty gets its butt covered when members of the public complain about the crudeness of the doctors being produced by the local University.
I guess each and everyone of us medical students has to start thinking about what kind of doctor you want to end up being. What kind of doctor are you really determined to be? You see all those really good doctors in television programmes, who are compassionate, yet professional at the same time, and you keep telling yourself that you really want to end up like them. But the truth is, that kind of person only exists in television programmes. Doctors in the real world rarely come in that perfect sort of balance. They are either too professional, or too compassionate, with absolutely no in betweens.
Everyday in CSFC, I question the kind of doctor, the kind of person I want to be, because everyday in clinics, you see how other people act, you see how your mentors and tutors behave, you see how your peers and colleagues change, and you see the wide spectrum of patients present in society and its kinda hard not to be influenced and changed by all that you soak in. There are times where I really want to try to be compassionate and nice to my patients, but there are also times where I tell myself that its much easier to be strictly professional and emotionless when dealing with them. To be involved or detached, where do you draw the line?
I met this nice little sweet old lady in the clinics. She was staying in my base ward and I regret not getting to know her earlier. I've been going back and forth to talk to her since Tuesday, and today, she got discharged. I was lucky to catch her while she was preparing to leave and coincidentally, I was leaving the hospital while she left it as well. She was a lovely patient, and the first in what is hopefully going to be a long list of favourite patients to come. I hope she'll keep her health at tip top condition, and I hope to never ever have to see her in the hospital again, but some part of me will miss her, and hopes to see her in a non hospital setting or something.
I have another three years to figure out what kind of doctor I want to be. Whatever it is, I hope not to be an overly lousy one.
So the first week of clinicals has come and gone. I think everyone has their own opinion of how good ,(or bad) it was. I think its infinitely better than the days in lecture halls, struggling to stay awake during boring lectures. But at the same time, its so much more challenging and tiring compared to the foundation years. First of all, we have much longer hours. Secondly, we no longer have the structured lessons and system of the past. And lastly, we no longer get to see all the friends and people that we used to be able to spend time with everyday.
The whole uncertainty that being in clinics bring is quite daunting. I suppose everyone feels kinda out of loop of what exactly we should do and how about we should be doing it. I mean, everyone knows we are in the wards to learn how to do the basics of taking a history and eventually, to learn how to do a basic physical exam. We know that we should be learning to talk to patients, to get over our initial fear of interacting with patients. So what do many of us try to do? Keep clerking patients. But then again, that isn't easy because it takes lots of luck to find a patient that is willing to entertain you, and also lots of guts to approach that patient in the first place.
So at the end of the day, everyone goes home exhausted and frustrated. Frustrated that we seem to be going absolutely nowhere with the clerking and history taking and the physical examination. But I guess, we can't rush such things and can't force us to make the transition from mugger to rugger in like 5 days? There's still lots of stuff to iron out really, and I guess we'll never actually ever give up trying and probably only achieve that total transition when we have gone on in like 10 years time to become some successful doctor in some hopefully good hospital or clinic.
Talking to patients is really tough. I realize that all the previous fantasies and images of me being a doctor with natural empathy and the ability to communicate with patients are absolutely rubbish. I sometimes don't know what to say to patients. Its so hard really to balance the feeling and the thinking, and to be honest, right now, I'm so busy thinking that I'm not capable of doing much feeling at all.
But then again, some patients just HAVE the ability to make you feel. Take the little old lady I met yesterday in the wards and the other old lady I met during NHS today. I can't talk about them here, but lets just say that I can't help but feel totally helpless and useless when I think about them. I think its going to the wards and the grassroots that makes you realize that there is very very little that Medicine alone can help achieve. Medicine without the Social and Political will to help results in half-hearted attempts to change people's lives really. So really, you can't change anything by being in Medicine, and if you are in this job to change lives, you shouldn't hope too much. But if you are in this to help in whatever way's possible, then yes, you're in for the right reasons.
'Come grow old with me, for the best is yet to be..." - Robert Browning
So today marks the start of my clinical skills foundation course. To those few non-medical students friends of mine who still read this long forsaken blog, this means that I've finally started taking that big leap forward into the dark and twisty world of clinical medicine. The next 7 weeks will be an extensive (& long-drawn) orientation to the often confusing and exhausting life in the clinics. No doubt I'll probably have lots more to complain, moan and whine about in the upcoming years as I enter what is arguably the most important stage of my medical career, the sheer exhilaration of being involved in clinical work more than justifies the intense craziness that clinical life would bring.
With regards to my feelings about the clinical years, I must say that as of now, I am rather excited about the upcoming lessons. I know many of my peers expressed fear of the upcoming big transition into clinical life - they are all freaked out by the sheer amount of work to do, the amount of facts and skills to learn, the need to interact with patients, and the need to survive the politics of the hospital hierarchy. I strangely do not share much of their concerns at all, except maybe the politics part. But then again, my mind doesn't register things the way normal people would, so perhaps it isn't that strange for me not to feel any fear at all.
In the upcoming weeks, I would be involved in clerking patients, taking their histories and learning how to do basic physical examinations on patients. I would also start to learn the basics of various other clinical skills and procedures, such as venepuncture, intubations, catheterisations, intramuscular injections, intravenous drips etc. All I can say is that I'm ready for whatever comes my way; whether NUH and the patients are ready for me or not... now that's altogether a totally different question.
Anybody interested in allowing me to practice blood pressure taking (and various other clinical skills) on them should contact me ASAP via either SMS or emails. If you don't already have my contact information, then you really shouldn't even consider volunteering yourself for such potentially devastating torture. Hehe.
I've learnt a very important lesson today, and that is that my stomach can NO longer stomach as much food as I was able to when I was a Secondary school/JC student. Never again will I force myself to eat so much stuff during buffets. I am still feeling extremely sick over the Dim Sum buffet I had for lunch today, so much so that I haven't had the guts to eat anything since then. Seriously. I shall swear of binging man. Its not worthed it!
I feel as if the food's still stuck in my oesophagus and that its unwilling to go down into my stomach. God I feel like a bomb just ready to blow.
The 4th (and last) opening sequence for the "Full Metal Alchemist" anime series.
I miss the days spent watching FMA. I remember it was in J1 and I got the series from Debra and Sharleen, and strangely enough, we were the only ones crazy over it. I don't usually hang out with them in school, but we got quite close over anime and manga. Then again, I'm one of those people who appears to have been quite good at making friends with all the different cliques in the class, so yeah, how typical of me.
I remember having this SUPERB ability in predicting plotlines and I remember breaking Sharleen's attempts in teasing me about future episodes by saying totally random stuff about the storyline, e.g. 'I bet this character is actually this character's mother/father/child.' and laughing at her 'HOW DID YOU KNOW!?!??!?' face. I even correctly guessed that the Homonculi in the anime were simply the failed human transmutations that developed further due to the aid of the Philosopher's stone, and that was like a major twist in the storyline. So really, things don't really surprise me unless they really are good twists!
Many thanks to Dory for lending me her FMA mangas! The mangas are so different from the anime that I'm a little confused right now. But despite the confusing differences in characters and occurrences, the story really sucks you in. Very entertaining and exciting.
"The world isn't perfect, and the law is incomplete. Equivalent Exchange doesn't encompass everything that goes on here. But I still choose to believe in its principle: that all things do come at a price. That there's an ebb, and a flow, a cycle. That the pain we went through did have a reward and that anyone who's determined and perseveres will get something of value in return, even if it's not what they expected." - Alphonse Elric
Very true indeed. And that my friends, is the principle of Equivalent Exchange.
Okay, so I was reading some online forum when I came across this entry about how Singapore looked like a nice and beautiful place to live in. I was feeling quite happy reading about the different wonderful things foreigners had to say about Singapore when I came across this entry: 'i live in singapore and i can tell you that there is nothing really beautiful about here.' Reading that made me extremely angry. What got me angry was not that this Singaporean was lambasting Singapore (when foreigners were doing the exact opposite), but rather the way he was doing it - unsubstantiated, unbalanced, uncouth.
I mean, I'm not a patriot or anything and I also strongly feel that Singapore is not that perfect a place to live in, but come on, as Singaporeans, let's give this country some credit because while it isn't paradise, it isn't that bad a place to live in either. I know that Singapore still has lots of room to evolve and develop into that perfect paradise (if it exists!) that so many of us aspire to live in and that yes, its still rather rigid, sterile and synthetic a place to grow up in, but the fact is, this country is still a beautiful one. I have done my fair bit of traveling around the world and to be honest, there are very few countries that feels like home the way Singapore feels.
I think we Singaporeans, especially the younger generation, really like to complain about life here in Singapore. We complain about this and that, on all sorts of matters ranging from media censorship to the lack of gay rights; from a lack of fun things to do to the lack of freedom of speech. We tend to focus only on what Singapore lacks and not on what Singapore actually has, so much so that we are often oblivious and blind to the various benefits that we as Singaporeans do enjoy. For example, we have beautiful parks to laze our afternoons away (just that NO ONE uses them!), we have a burgeoning arts scene that's steadily evolving and developing, we have many new exciting big events and developments coming to the country (F1, YOG, IRs), we have a developing and some would say, exciting nightlife. Even if we want to comment of liberalizing society and the political system, we have to remember that we've come a long way compare to the times of our grandparents, and compared with our neighbours surrounding us, we aren't doing that bad in this aspect of development. Again, we tend to forget that liberalization takes time and even Western societies had to undergo hundreds, even centuries to achieve the kind of liberalization that they experience today, let alone us, a nation of ONLY 43 short years of nation building! People just forget that our nation is a horribly young nation and keeps insisting that we do so much more than what we are probably able to achieve. Why not stop complaining, give it some slack and let it continue to grow and develop into something more natural and complete?
Perhaps it is us, young Singaporeans who don't really know what we are looking for. We keep saying that we want to live in a place with lots of opportunities, a place that's fun, exciting and vibrant, yet classy, with lots of culture etc. We keep insisting on going overseas to enjoy 'the amazing life' there, as if everything that's Westernized or foreign is perfect. But then again, I've heard many of my friends and relatives who have gone and studied/stayed abroad telling me that despite their experiences, Singapore is still the only place they feel truly at home. So when we are back in safe, friendly, comfortable Singapore, we feel bored, restricted, sterile. When we are abroad in exciting, fresh, challenging lands, we feel unprotected, lonely, lost. So what exactly are we looking for? A land that's a mix of both? I highly doubt you'll find such a place in the living world.
I am certain that as our population becomes more and more liberal and educated, such debates on whether Singapore is truly that beautiful a place to live in will continue to persist. I have nothing against such debates, but they should be carried out in a mature, constructive manner that's balanced and not something that's so uncouth and so narrow minded.
I know that National Day's still a few months away, you never know when the hidden patriot in me wants desires to take over.
I just came back from the wake of the man who brought me into this world.
Most of you would probably think that that's quite weird. I mean, how many of you out there are on speaking terms with the Doctor that delivered you those many years ago? Okay, I admit that I wasn't that close to him, but yes, I had met him and talked to him a couple of times and he offered me lots of valuable advice, not just on being a future doctor, but also on how to be a proper human being. So yeah, I knew him more that just being the Doctor who delivered me when I was a baby, I also knew him as a sort of mentor into this world.
The wake was filled with people - his family, his lifelong friends, his colleagues, heck I even saw Prof. Bay there! But the majority of people there where his patients and all of them, including my mom and two of my aunts, were genuinely upset at his sudden passing. You could see that he was more than just a doctor to them; he was also a friend, and most importantly, a good man that they could trust. I think that impressed me the most, that he could become a doctor of such repute and outstanding character that his patients felt a deep connection and friendship with him. Here was a doctor who showed society how to really be a doctor. And to be honest, he achieved so much more.
Apparently, he was still seeing patients the morning he passed on. In fact, he was on his way to a meeting when he was struck by a massive heart attack, and in just ten minutes, despite the best efforts that the A&E department of the hospital could provide, he had moved on. Such is the unpredictable nature of life.
I still remember meeting him two years ago, when I just got the results of my University postings and was waiting to enter medical school. I was waiting for my mom to be done with her checkup when she suddenly asked me to come into the room because the Doctor wanted to speak to me. Feeling sorta nonplussed as to why an OB-GYN would want to speak to me, I went in thinking that I had did something wrong or something. All he did was to congratulate me on getting into Medical school, and giving me advice about the long road ahead, that 'Medicine is a tough line to get into, and you really need to persevere. But if you ask me, all the hard work is worthed it, especially when you see the smiles you managed to bring to people when you managed to help them.' And in my mom's subsequent visits, he always never failed to asked about me and my progress in medical school, and also kept giving me advice and tips on how to handle the daily stress and challenges of the medical profession.
'To help others, you must first be healthy yourself! So do remember to exercise!' This was the last advice I ever got from him before his untimely passing. I guess he knew I was a lazy boy. But then again, I stayed in my mother's womb for a total of 10 months - that's one more month than the normal gestation period, because apparently, I was lazy, even as a fetus, so yeah, he would have known. Plus, according to me mother, I was a memorable child because my mom's umbilical cord was constricted around my neck... so yeah, he had to do a cesarean to get me out.
It's very sad isn't it, that we can predict when a baby is due to enter the world but not when a person is due to leave it.
Thank you Sir, for bringing me into this world. I won't ever forget the advice you gave me, and I'll do my part in doing some good in this world.
And so liberation is finally here again. After over 15 tests/exams, M2 has hopefully and finally come to an end. Yesterday's paper was a befitting finale to the horror of a year, where every single moment seemed to be spent on studying for back to back CAs. Time passed very quickly, but the sad thing is I seemed to have done and achieved nothing, except play this rapid catch-me-if-you-can game with lessons, its like you were rushing to lay down the tracks just before the train comes!
Microbiology pros was every bit the horror I envisioned it to be. It was long, troublesome and challenging. The challenge lay in remembering every single little detail that you had studied before, and reproducing them during the 3 hour slugfest. The questions weren't particularly difficult, but whether you had the answers to them, now that was an entirely different matter altogether. There were times where I just couldn't think of anything to write at all, and ended up writing some laughable cock-and-bull story that hopefully had some level of truth in it. And I actually wrote that 'there was no possible cure at this moment for a toxoplasmosis infection' for one question, when it was obvious that there had to be one, but I just couldn't remember the stupid drug name used to treat it.
All in all, it was like ALL microbiology papers, rather depressing. Then again, its best to not think so much about it. Til the 10th, just like the majority of the cohort, I will be praying that I do not get the Vivas (and Subs!), and I can enjoy this short two week break before CSFC course starts and I can start out M3 with a fresh mindset and approach to life.
I must note though, that though liberation is here, it doesn't feel particularly joyful at all. The fact that we won't ever have long holidays makes it all the more tragic.
Name: voldemort33
XY, 01/06/1987, s'porean typical geminian free-thinker moody & eccentric thinks far too much for his own good med student (be afraid. be very afraid!) demon45_6f@hotmail.com
crazy craves
music (jazz, rock and lounge) day-dreaming drawing & photography animals (sheep!) chocolate and tea! seafood, noodles and soup!
pet peeves
noisy crowds over-possessive, insecure, whiny people two-faced hypocrites housework and homework being called 'rich' rushing to do stuff crying, pesky kids
deepest darkest desires! (aka wishlist!)
to be a doctor (with a heart of gold!) a dog my own condo apartment a driving license and my own four wheel drive my own comic line someone to hug
