You know a song is cool when you don't really understand what the lyrics are saying. That said, I think alot of things in life come at a time when its too late. You only get what you want at a time when you don't want it anymore. Such is the irony of life. Bleah.
Its been almost two weeks since my last entry here. That's probably the longest time I'd ever left an active blog hanging without an update.
I find it strange that everytime I meet up with non-medicine people, they always ask me the same question - 'How's medical school?' and I always give them the same answer - 'Like that lor.' I just can't put the frustration and exhaustion into words. But I must say my non-medical school friends have been very very understanding and supportive of my foray into medicine, and everytime I meet up with them, they always help me rediscover some of the passion that's been extinguished by the stress and demands of medical school life.
I will try to smile.
Loads of people are flying off again, so much so that I can't even bloody keep track of who is flying off and WHEN they are flying off. Then again, I'm so busy that I don't think I can really go see people off in the first place. So to anyone who is flying off and still reads this blog, bon voyage and good luck in your studies! Don't get into too much seedy sex, drugs and booze over in the western land of vice!
I really find myself having less and less things to blog about. I don't know if its because I've become less introspective, or more used to the way life sucks, but yes, I'm feeling drained and dry all the time. I lack the inspiration to blog and I'm seriously considering leaving blogging altogether. Then I won't have anymore excuses to not join facebook.
Ambivalence. That's the word to describe how I've been feeling over the past week. I don't know if you guys noticed, but its been a wet week. Every morning, I wake up to rain, which totally kills my mood and desire to go out, so I'll just choose to mope at home and play computer games til I feel like puking. Then I'll stop and maybe just read a bit of Pathology to try and dissipate a little of the guilt that builds up in me. But yes, I find life just too ordinary to have any thoughts and feelings. Ask me how I'm feeling and I'll say that I'm not feeling particularly happy or delighted with the way things are going, but then again, I'm not feeling particularly depressed or resentful about anything in life as well.
And that's the problem. Its just a state of ambivalence, where nothing seems to matter and nothing seems to inspire me or excite me. So I just don't feel anything at all. And that is why I don't think I should continue blogging anymore because I feel like I've nothing else to say or share with whoever still reads this place. I dunno. Maybe I just need to find another direction with my blogging, revamp my blogging so as to develop something that would interest me again, because right now, my passion for blogging's really a far cry from the passion I had 2 years ago.
Then again, it could just be the fact that I live a rather boring life. But I'm too lazy to seek adventure. Blah.
And so, tomorrow's the start of my dreaded End-of-Medicine-Posting test. Tomorrow's going to be just part 1. Part 2 (probably the more stressful and terrifying component) is going to be on Saturday. After the past 9 weeks of struggling to learn something during postings, I've finally come down to the point where I'm going to find out whether I've succeeded in learning enough to past the first big test of the Clinical years. Unfortunately, my first test has to be one of the biggest tests of all.
If you thing about it, the EOPT is something like an Olympic event. We slog so hard, put in so much effort, doing the same Physical exams over and over again, reading the same topic over and over again, thinking about the same problems over and over again... all for the 2 days of assessment, 2 days where every little thing matters. The examiners (or judges) aren't going to look at what you had achieved over the past few months, they are going to look at what you are going to write and do in the next two days. So yeah, its like the Olympics. You train your ass off for the past 4 years just to qualify for an event and when the time comes for you to perform on the world's biggest sporting stage, you either rise magnificently to the occasion, or you fall, face flat without a shred of dignity.
Your tutors can teach you that much. Your coaches can advise you that much. But ultimately, it comes down entirely to your own ability to handle the pressure, to think straight, to perform everything according to the way you have been practicing. There will be mistakes and there will be surprises, but if you have the mentality of a champion, you can face these minor hiccups, carry out damage control and convert them into lifesavers that would save the whole routine. You may not win Gold, but what matters is that you don't give up, you don't break down under pressure and you participate in one of the greatest shows in your life.
How fitting that the Olympics come to an end, just when my own medical posting comes to a close. So yeah, the end of EOPT coincides nicely with the Closing Ceremony of the Olympics. What a nice way to wrap things up.
In view of recent hardships and horrible times, I have decided to compile a short list of stuff that actually make me happy, so as to remind myself that pain and hardship is transient, and despite the fact that I'm perpetually tired and busy, I am still capable of encountering stuff that makes me happy. Its all part of the plan; the plan to get my life and mindset all crazily positive again. This new found enthusiasm to get my life back on the optimistic fast track was sparked by the Sodagreen concert: its as if I've found some fresh injection of botox into my dying life.
So here goes, my 10-random-things-that-currently-make-me-happy list:
1. Famous Amos Cookies: My mom bought a bag of them and a couple of famous Amos cookies everyday never fails to brighten up my day!
2. Listening to music on my Ipod: Music is really essential for me to function normally. In particular, Sodagreen's music! I always feel happier if I start my day listening to a couple of their fast numbers.
3. Watching '康熙来了': An hour of my day is usually spent watching the latest episode of '康熙'. Its only an hour, but it brings in much needed laughter!
4. Sleeping in the car: I need every chance I get to pay my massive sleep debt, and sleeping in the car allows me to pass time and catch up on much needed sleep.
5. Meeting up with friends who aren't in medicine: They remind me that I do have a semi-functioning life outside of medicine!
6. Sleeping in on Sundays: The only day where I can sleep in. Again, its important that I recover from that stupid sleep debt. And its the only day where my mom won't wake me up early (she tends to wake me up early on Saturdays because we have to make our way down to my Grandma's by the afternoon...)
7. Reading the latest chapter of 'Bleach' that is launched every Friday: something exciting to look forward to! And it always heralds a new week of speculation!
8. Staying up late on Fridays and Saturdays: extra long hours to do random stuff, be it play games, surf the net, study, draw, listen to music or just stone.
9. Bitching with friends from medicine: Still my favourite socializing past time. Haha.
10. A day in the hospital where I manage to do good clerking and do good PEs: such days are actually hard to come by. Then again, happiness comes when you don't expect too much as well. So yeah. I shan't expect too much!
Evil bubbles beneath every individual. Its just a matter of time before it is unleashed. Did you know that you had just come into contact with some of the most dangerous individuals of all time?
Just a quick update here before my blog ends up in a garbage dump full of rotten vegetables due to the lack of updates...
I was waiting for my mum to pick me up from school today when I decided to go walk round the pseudo museum located in MD11. I was looking at the different plaques hung on the wall, the plaques that listed the names of the different generations of Deans and Department heads when I remembered that I did the exact same thing almost 4 years ago, on that fateful day when I first made up my fickle mind to get into a med school and be a doctor.
I remember feeling so awe-inspired by the columns of names that hung from the walls of the room. I don't really know what it was, but there was this sense of wanting to be part of this illustrious cause and glorious legacy, to be part of an institution or fraternity that had produced countless and countless generations of other talents before me, to be part of a long line of successors to a profession that severely tested the depths of human compassion and patience.
That was me when I was in JC1, 4 freaking long years ago. I didn't even dare imagine that I would one day be in Medical School. But then, I made the cut 2 years later... and before I even knew it, I was playing my way through M1, crawling my way through M2... and now, I'm here at the start of M3, in my long sleeve shirt and trousers, waiting to go home and recuperate before I start another day in the hospitals trying to develop a system of learning that would better train me to become a better doctor. I suddenly realise that its really not all fun and games, which is ironic because I've always known that it was never going to be all fun and games, just that I never thought the situation would develop that quickly into the situation that it is today.
And as I stood there looking at those names hung up on the wall, I suddenly realised that I no longer had that same kind of awe that I used to have when I looked up to see those great names staring back at me. Its a sad thing to realise that those hallowed grounds that you once cherished have ceased to be the same place that it once was.
Its strange to note that I'm having all these sudden thoughts just when the new batch of freshmen have started to embark on their first foray into Medicine. Anyway, time to continue with my written report. Sigh.
Its been a long time since the last entry and so much interesting things have gone by. School's back in and the work load's starting to build up. Yup, its only week 1 and we have a rough sketch of the amount of work we have to do for the term and its not very smile inducing. Haha.
I think I have lots of things to say here, but somehow or another, I'm not really processing them right now. My thoughts are a little bit of here and a little bit of there and its not really very coherently planned out or mapped out. I am not sad, angry, or depressed at anything, but then again, life isn't particularly great either. I guess the life that I'm living right now is one that's just ordinary: ordinarily hectic and ordinarily bland, so much so that I don't really have any particularly strong feelings about the way things are. Perhaps an absence of strong feelings is a sign that all's well and life is good. Or maybe its just a sign that I've grown tired of feeling unhappy and complaining of the way life progresses.
So enough of my thoughts and feelings. Let's talk about Sports. Euro '08 finals is gonna feature Germany and Spain. I am personally supporting Spain because I've seen a couple of their matches and all I can say is that the way they are playing right now is just phenomenal. Germany is a good team and I do know of a couple of friends who are supporting them, but this time round, I'm putting my support behind Spain. They've played well throughout the tournament and deserves the title. Let's hope they pull it off with a final victory on Sunday.
Next up, Wimbledon. Lots of the top seeds are being kicked out of the tournament man. In the men's draw, we have Djokovic, Davydenko, David Ferrer, Andy Roddick (just to name a few) who have been kicked out of the tournament. In the women's draw, we have Ivanovic and Sharapova who are now out of the tournament as well. Its a pity Nadal didn't get kicked out as well, but oh well, the tournament's sure getting exciting because lots of big names are falling out and it looks like the tournament's becoming anybody's game right now. Sure makes things interesting to watch.
I've suddenly ran out of things to say. I think I'll stop here right now. Going off to Jinrong's high tea 21st celebration soon anyway, so yeah. I'll just stop here.
10 things I learnt about Hong Kong 1. Hong Kongers are some of the fastest walkers in the world. They walk so quickly and close to each other that falling down or tripping is simply not an option, lest you desire to die under the footfalls of thousands of relentless Hong Kong feet.
2. Hong Kongers do not like it if you enter a restaurant/cafe and do not order anything to eat/drink. In fact, they can charge you 10 HK dollars for just simply sitting in the cafe without tasting any of their wares.
3. Filipino maids are really rich in Hong Kong, so much so that they are more well to do than a large number of locals and can afford to flock department stores and engage in orgasmic shopping sprees every weekend.
4. Chicken flu, SARS, Red tide. Is there any wonder why Hong Kong seems to get afflicted with all these unfortunate health problems? Not really, considering that it really is one of the dirtiest of wealthy cities in the world.
5. Where are all the pretty, sexy ladies in Hong Kong?!? There seems to be a severe lack in pretty females here. The guys on the other hand love to dress up: they end up becomeing trendier and prettier than the girls themselves. So S'pore ladies, go to Hong Kong to get your trendy/pretty/hot boytoy.
6. Its public transport system is much much better than Singapore's. In fact, we've been copying a thing or two from the Hong Kong system (HK had EZ-link way earlier than we did). The most sensible thing they did: more lines, each with less stations and multiple connectivities - which ultimately resulted in a system that's highly connective and has less waiting times.
7. Food, glorious food! The food here is still, and probably will always be, fantastic. I have never eaten that many bowls of Wanton noodles in my whole 21 years of existence. A wanton Wanton lover indeed.
8. With the HK dollar being much weaker than the S'pore dollar, things that are seemingly expensive in Hong Kong are actually freaking darn cheap. For example: a 10 course gourmet Chinese dinner that would easily cost around S$1000 only costs HK$560, which is roughly S$100. What would we do without the wonders of Foreign exchange.
9. Hong Kong is a city of extreme unhealthiness. Smokers and drinkers are everywhere. The food here is unabashedly filled with oil, fat and sugar. The people here live astonishingly stressful and fast paced lives. Which probably makes a lot of you future doctors out there very very worried (or happy, depending on which side of morality you are on.)
10. Hong Kongers can appear to be very very unfriendly, but really, deep down inside, they are pretty nice people. Its just that they don't show their nice sides to people they aren't familiar with. Oh and the way they blabber non stop in Cantonese serves to intimidate too.
Well, this trip's the second time that I've been to Hong Kong and back. I remember going there when I was 8 or 9 and I absolutely hated it because it was so dirty and old and grimy, and since then, I've been resisting any effort on my mom's part to get me to revisit that city. But I decided it was time to revisit the city again. I guess I was hoping that the city would have undergone a miraculous change and thus, my opinions of it could be completely reworked. Well, its certainly gotten more modern, more claustrophobic and slightly cleaner, but it has NOT changed a big deal at all. Its still that grimy, squeezy, overly sardine packed city that it was 13 years ago. I mean, I have nothing against cities and I'm definitely a city goer, but Hong Kong's really just too much. (Its the MOST packed of all the many cities that I've been to.) So I'm going all out here and say that I'll probably not visit the city again anytime soon, not unless one of my friends living there volunteers to be a guide and provide me with free lodging and food. Muahahaha.
I was thinking of something smart to blog about today when I realized that this week's gonna be the last week that I'll ever spend as a juvenile delinquent. Wow. Its kinda eerily quirky that my last week as a 20 year old coincides with my last week of the Clinical Skills Foundation Course. So with the start of M3, I'm going to approach my life as an adult: no more shirking of responsibilities and duties, and do do everything with the maturity of an adult. I will not be so immature and childish anymore.
My last week as a 20 year old. Let's hope it'll be a good one.
Today was spent at Xiaoyan's little get together. The irony of it all is that Xiaoyan's actual birthday falls on the 3rd of June, which is in fact just 2 days after MY VERY OWN actual birthday, so while I am older than her by two days, she gets to have her party BEFORE my own party, which is all so weird and quirky in a chaotic kind of way. Anyway, it was nice seeing some members of 71 that I have not seen in ages, people like Yihan, Sharleen Han, Charleen Soh, people from 71 whom I was considerably less close to (which is saying ALOT because I'm hardly not close with ANYONE in 71.) And it was fun seeing Xiaoyan again! Its always great to see your fellow Gemini and prankster, because when she's around, I can relax and cut back on the sarcastic jibes and nonsense. We can both share the workload when we are both around. Haha.
Let me pause to say that while I'm very proud of the fact that my brain seems to have no jurisdiction over the the confines of normality, the quirky things I do sometimes really annoys me. There are times when I wish my brain wasn't so unorthodox and that I could do things that normal people would do, like arrive at a party on time and not one hour before hand and find yourself horribly horrible alone, so much so that you decide to walk around to do away with the extra time and just stop yourself from feeling like a complete bodoh. But yeah, sometimes I do things that even I don't really understand. Its a curse that will never go away, as true insanity is really just true genius that is not understood.
I sincerely swear that I am up to nooooooo good.
Oh and seeing how we were able to create so much havoc today really makes me quite worried about the amount of chaos that 71 would bring to my own birthday party. Not that I mind the chaos, because a little bit of chaos here and there is really kinda, fun, and 71-chaos, is HELL LOTS of fun. But seriously, if the people present today could already create such a substantial amount of chaos (though, I have to admit that I do have a part to play in the chaos created), I shudder to think of the amount of madness they will create when a larger number of them appears during my party. Let's hope I managed to retain my sanity after the 31st, and ACTUALLY live to see my actual birthday.
I sincerely swear that they are all up to nooooooo good.
I think its scary that time seems to be flitting pass too quickly. And its even scarier when you realize that you have lots of things on your plate to settle before time catches up with you.
With just another 3 more weeks, we would come to the month of June and I will turn 21. This heralds the end of CSFC and the start of M3, which means I have approximately 3 more weeks to get my history taking and physical examination skills up to scratch. It also means that I have 3 more weeks to settle everything for my birthday party, which is another chore because, even up til now, the guest list isn't confirmed because there are still people who have not replied to my invites. And now, with the fact that I'm also going on a trip to Japan in June, I have to start planning and researching on what to see, where to go and what to do in the Land of the Rising Sun. So yeah, 3 weeks to do everything. Should be hell lots of fun.
Its the weekend! Time to try cramping in loads of reading. Now for a shower and lunch, and then I shall attempt to do some reading before dinner tonight.
I wish I could be cryptic about some stuff, but I seem to have lost the ability to use my words subtly and properly. So I think I should just shut up and stop typing before I shoot myself in the foot or bite myself in the tongue. I think its a good thing I'm less emo these days, because I've sorta gotten over the fact that fatigue and exhaustion are just going to be loyal companions of mine for the rest of my dear life. And I swore to myself that I shall complain less and be more proactive. I can do this, I will steer the course of my own life with my own bare hands.
Okay, so I was reading some online forum when I came across this entry about how Singapore looked like a nice and beautiful place to live in. I was feeling quite happy reading about the different wonderful things foreigners had to say about Singapore when I came across this entry: 'i live in singapore and i can tell you that there is nothing really beautiful about here.' Reading that made me extremely angry. What got me angry was not that this Singaporean was lambasting Singapore (when foreigners were doing the exact opposite), but rather the way he was doing it - unsubstantiated, unbalanced, uncouth.
I mean, I'm not a patriot or anything and I also strongly feel that Singapore is not that perfect a place to live in, but come on, as Singaporeans, let's give this country some credit because while it isn't paradise, it isn't that bad a place to live in either. I know that Singapore still has lots of room to evolve and develop into that perfect paradise (if it exists!) that so many of us aspire to live in and that yes, its still rather rigid, sterile and synthetic a place to grow up in, but the fact is, this country is still a beautiful one. I have done my fair bit of traveling around the world and to be honest, there are very few countries that feels like home the way Singapore feels.
I think we Singaporeans, especially the younger generation, really like to complain about life here in Singapore. We complain about this and that, on all sorts of matters ranging from media censorship to the lack of gay rights; from a lack of fun things to do to the lack of freedom of speech. We tend to focus only on what Singapore lacks and not on what Singapore actually has, so much so that we are often oblivious and blind to the various benefits that we as Singaporeans do enjoy. For example, we have beautiful parks to laze our afternoons away (just that NO ONE uses them!), we have a burgeoning arts scene that's steadily evolving and developing, we have many new exciting big events and developments coming to the country (F1, YOG, IRs), we have a developing and some would say, exciting nightlife. Even if we want to comment of liberalizing society and the political system, we have to remember that we've come a long way compare to the times of our grandparents, and compared with our neighbours surrounding us, we aren't doing that bad in this aspect of development. Again, we tend to forget that liberalization takes time and even Western societies had to undergo hundreds, even centuries to achieve the kind of liberalization that they experience today, let alone us, a nation of ONLY 43 short years of nation building! People just forget that our nation is a horribly young nation and keeps insisting that we do so much more than what we are probably able to achieve. Why not stop complaining, give it some slack and let it continue to grow and develop into something more natural and complete?
Perhaps it is us, young Singaporeans who don't really know what we are looking for. We keep saying that we want to live in a place with lots of opportunities, a place that's fun, exciting and vibrant, yet classy, with lots of culture etc. We keep insisting on going overseas to enjoy 'the amazing life' there, as if everything that's Westernized or foreign is perfect. But then again, I've heard many of my friends and relatives who have gone and studied/stayed abroad telling me that despite their experiences, Singapore is still the only place they feel truly at home. So when we are back in safe, friendly, comfortable Singapore, we feel bored, restricted, sterile. When we are abroad in exciting, fresh, challenging lands, we feel unprotected, lonely, lost. So what exactly are we looking for? A land that's a mix of both? I highly doubt you'll find such a place in the living world.
I am certain that as our population becomes more and more liberal and educated, such debates on whether Singapore is truly that beautiful a place to live in will continue to persist. I have nothing against such debates, but they should be carried out in a mature, constructive manner that's balanced and not something that's so uncouth and so narrow minded.
I know that National Day's still a few months away, you never know when the hidden patriot in me wants desires to take over.
Its the final week before the start of our 2nd pros. Things have progressed in remarkably strange pace this week. There were days were nothing much was achieved, and days were progress was so unbelievable that I had to start doubting if anything ever seeped into that cerebrum of mine. And then there was the minor shock I had today, when I work up to find both my parents at home - for a moment, I thought that I had miscalculated the days left and that it was Sunday already. Turns out that today was a public holiday. Wow, like that would do wonders for my social calendar.
Yesterday was quite a blur. It was a day spent trying to recover from the sleep debt accumulated from staying up all night at Xiuzhen's 21st birthday party, and trying to do some amount of substantial studying to cover the horrific loss in study time for the preparation of the party itself. I don't really know how I did it, but in a strange twist of fate, it was the one day where I made the most progress so far in terms of studying. Must be the stress and pressure boring down on me then, granting me unprecedented powers in the field of focusing and concentration. Well, whatever it was I'm really thankful for it because it helped to force me to pick up the slack.
Anyway, I'm trying to study antibiotics and anti-fungal and anti-parasitic agents right now. Yes, I'm studying pharmacology again. It appears that I also develop a sudden urge to blog when I'm studying pharmacology. Must be all the pent up frustration and boredom with the subject.
Quote of the week: 'Happiness is a thumb and a wet blanket.'- Linus van Pelt
I shall now go to shower to attempt to make my continual mugging of antimicrobials more comfortable.
"Fire is the element of power. The people of the Fire Nation have desire and will, and the energy and drive to achieve what they want. Earth is the element of substance. The people of the Earth Kingdom are diverse and strong. They are persistent and enduring. Air is the element of freedom. The Air Nomads detached themselves from worldly concerns and found peace and freedom. Also, they apparently had pretty good senses of humor! Water is the element of change. The people of the Water Tribe are capable of adapting to many things. They have a deep sense of community and love that holds them together through anything.
It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If we take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. Understanding others, the other elements, and the other nations will help you become whole...It is the combination of the four elements in one person that makes the Avatar so powerful." - Iroh, from "The Legend of Aang, Avatar:The Last Airbender"
Nevermind that the speech above was from an animated series created by the West to glorify ancient Chinese culture. I still think the series rocks and the themes expressed by it are very very true.
The wonderful thing about Chinese culture is that, as much as detractors deride it to be overly archaic and traditionalistic, it really is an ocean of knowledge that continues to have its place and great relevance, even in today's modern society. I learn so much about the finer things in life, from it. It has so many aspects and facets: it comes in so many different forms that it never fails to surprise me. Be it art, music, or calligraphy; the different schools of martial arts; or religion and philosophy, Chinese culture never fails to teach you something. Take the study of the elements in something Western people call Feng Shui (and you say that with a Western slang!): I think its more of a form of philosophy in life. Its something that I find highly enlightening and highly intriguing, because it not only can be applied to so many things in real life, it can also be link to Western astrology as well.
Air is the element of freedom, it teaches you to evade and avoid all forms of danger and attacks, to outwit and outmaneuver the enemy and thus achieve victory via non-confrontation. Water is the element of change, it teaches you to redirect forces directed at you and turn them against the opponent, to turn your enemy's own offense against him, to achieve offense in defense. Earth is the element of substance, it teaches you to stand your ground and endure, to tolerate and absorb all attacks, to be still and wait til the right opportunity before striking with an attack of your own. Fire is the element of power, it teaches you to defend yourself using a pre-emptive first strike, to attack while the plate is hot, to strike before others do, because the best defense is in a strong offense.
If you think about it, you can apply this school of thought to everyday life and even personality. Just like astrology, which classifies different star signs into different elemental groups, Feng Shui also studies this as well. Each personality type (or elemental type) deals with problems or live life in different ways.
Air signs are more idealistic and contemplative, they live life in a rather pacifistic manner, avoiding conflict and maneuvering around life's constant changes, preferring not to care about earthly troubles, living life in their own carefree manner. Water signs are more emotional and adaptable, they live life while dealing with their everchanging emotions, but are highly understanding, caring individuals who flow and adapt through life, taking whatever comes and modifying it for their advantage. Earth signs are more materialistic and stoic, they live life rooted to things that give them purpose, standing their ground, letting their stubborn nature outmatch the changes around them, and forging their lives in slow steady steps. Fire signs are more aggressive and enthusiastic, they live life in a rather fast paced, fiery way, driven by a strong sense of desire, will and enthusiasm to achieve things that they strive to want, to create that exciting life they desire.
See! Its just perfect. And I think its so true. Learning and knowing such things really helps you understand how people think and act and do stuff! I think we have lots to learn from Chinese culture. There's still so much knowledge to share, like opposing elemental signs, more in depth analysis of each signs etc. And the good thing about 'Avatar' is that it makes all the four elements so different, but together, they are actually just the same parts of 1 whole, because you need to understand the nature of all 4 elements to achieve a kind of peace with the world.
Just in case you were wondering, I'm an air elemental kind of guy. Just like Aang, the protagonist of the animated series. Which means I should be a master of Airbending. But I think its quite true though, because I skirt through life without seemingly achieving anything at all. Just caught up in my lovely little air filled bubble.
Well, tonight's the last night that I will be spending in the place that I had so fondly called home for the past 20 years. I've lived here all my life and now, its time to say goodbye.
My family was having a farewell gathering for the house on Sunday, with my whole extended family and all. One of my uncles asked if I felt sad with regards to the moving. I was struck dumb by that question, and told him, 'Not really.', to which my uncle exclaimed 'But you grew up here! You should have some emotional attachment to the place!' I decided to go for the smile politely and slowly back away tactic to avoid anymore questions.
If anything, that conversation got me thinking about why I don't have any emotions with regards to leaving this place. I mean, my uncle was right. I practically grew up in this house. For the past 20 years, it had seen me grow from a baby that won't shut up to a young man who knows the importance of shutting up. All my developmental milestones: my first step, my first word, chickenpox, puberty, losing consciousness - all were experienced right here. By convention, I should be sad that I'm leaving. But I'm not.
I don't think I am a very sentimental person. Or rather, I don't show my sentiment easily. When crunch time comes, I suppress or rationalize all feelings of emotion and sentiment. Deep down inside, I am sure that I probably do feel some nuance of sadness, of regret that we have to leave, but then these feelings are just not surfacing. I think I've grown up to face any feelings of sadness in the same fashion as how I deal with all trials and tribulations, that is just stand up, face it, and move on. Clear cut, no emotional drag and sentimental messiness.
Does that make me a cruel, callous, unfeeling person? I don't know. Some part of me regrets that I've grown into someone who just doesn't see the point in being sentimental over such things. But then, it just doesn't make sense to be sad over something that's just a phase in life. You think of it, you cherish it, you remember it - yes that's my definition of sentimental, but don't keep wishing it would come back and moping over the fact that is gone. That's just a whole new level of pathetic behavior. Move on, but don't forget and everything still lives on in your OWN heart.
Whatever way our stories end, some things can never be changed.
So its goodbye Green Meadows. I'll miss the whole thing about the big sheep living in the green meadows. It was funny while it lasted. =)
Last day of school ever before the year of the Rat arrives. I think I was sort of determined to really live it up today, but lots of exciting things happened - like me collecting my stethoscope and sphygmomanometer and tendon tappers. And it was Szejia's 21st Birthday celebration today. It was hilarious because we wanted to surprise her during her PBL lesson with a cake, but somehow, the liaising was screwed up and when the whole OG burst in the room, the PBL group looked at us as if we were crazy or something. Totally weird.
After that, a bunch of us went to Shihui's house to play a round of Mahjong, while waiting for the rest of the people to finish their respective PBLs. It was a most excruciating game for me because I was locked in an eternal struggle with Edwin, as we both tried to out-niao each other and outplay each other as well. In the end, I lost horribly. I was the biggest loser of the game, which was quite sad because I was the first winner. I swear I will get my revenge when we go visit Minjia's house on Sunday! Oh yes I am!
We waited for the rest of the folks to finish their lessons, and also played with Shihui's dogs Sparky and Wa-wa as well. I am so jealous of my friends who have pets. Its quite sad that my mom hates dogs and absolutely forbids me to keep one. I would love to have a dog, preferably a Labrador or Golden Retriever. I'll probably give him a real smart alecky name or something and make him chase people. Haha.
Then a bunch of us went of to meet Szejia and Yinxia to have dinner and watch a movie. I had a really good bowl of japanese noodles with scallops! And although some of us wanted to watch "Sweeney Todd", Szejia didn't want to so in respect of the Birthday Girl's wishes, we decided to watch a movie of her liking instead.
I never thought I would watch it, but yes, I ended up watching '27 Dresses' in honor of Szejia's birthday celebrations today. I must say it was actually quite enjoyable, undeniably cliche, but still enjoyable. Yinxia says its because me and Sara were making alot of funny comments and sound effects. Like me saying "Ooooooohhhhhh" when bad things happen (to the total silence of the theatre) and Sara laughing for absolutely no reason. Yinxia thinks its amazing, I personally think that the rest of the movie-goers must think we are pests! But ANYWAY, it was quite an entertaining movie. It had some really witty lines, and the acting was quite good. Thought the storyline was most predictable: Sara had the whole formula out halfway through the show, which was absolutely hilarious.
The start of the CNY break! I have a total of 8 days without school! HOW COOL IS THAT! Of course, I have to start studying then of course... but still. Pretty pretty happy baby!
Today's one of the crappiest days ever. A total roller coaster of emotions. I was happy in the morning, shocked at noon, in a high in the afternoon, and was promptly sent crushing downwards later, recovered in the evening and night, only to be promptly made angry by startling revelations later that night.
I shall not comment on what has happened, because it is not constructive to comment on things that have already happened. I don't really know what to say actually. I'm like seriously loss for words at the speed at which things happened. All I can say is that I am not going to blame anybody, because I am bigger hearted than that.
ANYWAY, on to happier stuff. Alice turned 21! I haven't seen the XC people for ages, partly due to personal isolation or whatever. But anyway, I turned up horribly late for the dinner get together. Chit chatted and caught up with most who were there. Also listened to people deplore how horribly thin I've become, which I totally do not agree with. Think I made a fool of myself again, and also found out from Eileen (who's studying TCM in NTU) that I have a heaty pulse and extremely weak chi or something. Which is quite true because I'm most likely dying. Enjoyed a nice train ride home with my dearest junior Xinhui, where we emo-ed about University life and how difficult it has turned out to be. Got home quite late, but still it was interesting to meet up and see how everyone has changed.
This weekend's the first normal weekend that I've ever had in ages. A normal weekend without any stress, just me spending time with family, not mugging, but having fun, doing other much more constructive (and non constructive!) stuff. Be it doing house packing for the big move, to watching the finals of the Australian Open; to playing Warcraft III and shopping for tiles for the new house; to eating McDonald's and sorting old photographs. This weekend has been wonderfully, mind-bogglingly normal. And I hope it could last forever.
But it won't.
Here's to the hope that whatever normalcy that still exists in me, doesn't become extinct.
"Is there anybody here It doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!" - 'It Sucks To Be Me', Avenue Q
Yes. The addiction persists.
Thanks to wonderful Woochiao, I now have the whole soundtrack of Avenue Q on my Ipod. And its hard to concentrate on Robbins when you have the cast telling you how much life sucks. To which I feel like telling them 'Your lives suck? I hearing you correctly?!?'
But then again, if I could choose something to distract me from studying, I'll rather it be the songs from the fantastic Avenue Q. The songs make me happy, and you realise that all your problems, don't matter, because 'Everything in life is only for now!'
"Each time you smile It'll only last awhile Life may be scary But it's only temporary" - "For Now", Avenue Q
And on another note, I find myself having less inspiration to blog. I dunno if its a bad thing actually, it just means that I have been quite satisfied with the way life's been progressing of late, so much so I have nothing much to rant or be emo about. Then again, it means that I have nothing interesting to think and contemplate about, which makes me feel weird and strange because its been the longest time since I had a heart to heart with the other person(s) lying dormant inside me. Its like I've been domesticated or something.
My mom and brother are both back from the USA! And they brought me loads of presents! On top of that, I finally got my Ipod Classic! Woo-hoo!
Went with my dad to pick them up from the airport today. My mom was actually on the same flight as Vic Zhou aka 仔仔 of F4 fame, so there was a HUGE barricade where we were waiting. I had no idea what the commotion about, and rather stupidly chose to walk through the barricade with my half eaten double mushroom swiss in hand, when (talk about bad timing!), Mr 仔仔 decided to choose that exact moment to make his grand entrance into Singapore! So there I was, like a deer caught in front of a pair of glaring headlights, frozen with shock as a mad crowd of screaming girls came stampeding in my direction. For the next few minutes or so, I was caught in the mess of human body parts, struggling to squeeze out of the crowd without losing the precious remnants of my lunch, all the while cursing Mr Zhou's (and my very own) bad timing.
It was a good thing that Mr Zhou seemed rather embarrassed at the reception he got, and decided not to stay overtly long at the arrival hall. Instead, he was efficiently whisked away by a overly excessive entourage of security guards and policemen, through the barricade to the get away car at the entrance of the arrival hall, made for his disposal. And upon his quick exit, the ravenous crowd of girls disappeared after him as well. Which was for the better because I swear, if the crowd had gathered for another minute more or so, I would have given up and just smashed my half eaten burger into the mouth of the nearest screeching woman.
Since today's the day where my mom and brother arrive home, I decided to forgo mugging today, a kind of self-proclaimed holiday if you will! So I had a whole day of meddling with my Ipod, of watching TV, eating the goodies from America, and marveling at the amount of stuff my mom bought, and snickering as my brother recounted the exasperation he faced as he tried to stop my mother from buying even more over the top stuff. Granted that she bought more than 15 shirts for me, but some of the stuff she bought were holy redundant - stuff like rugs, frames, soap holders etc. But oh well, I guess women will always be women. Made to spend money.
And to wrap off this entry, lets have a Japanese song! A first on this blog! This happens to be the 6th opening of the Bleach Anime series, an extremely nice J-rock song called 'ALONES' by AquaTimez. I love the song, but unfortunately, my Japanese is so elementary that I cannot make out a single thing that the song is saying. Anyone with the song in mp3 format, please contact me and pass it to me to put on my Ipod! Arigato-gozaimasu!
Name: voldemort33
XY, 01/06/1987, s'porean typical geminian free-thinker moody & eccentric thinks far too much for his own good med student (be afraid. be very afraid!) demon45_6f@hotmail.com
crazy craves
music (jazz, rock and lounge) day-dreaming drawing & photography animals (sheep!) chocolate and tea! seafood, noodles and soup!
pet peeves
noisy crowds over-possessive, insecure, whiny people two-faced hypocrites housework and homework being called 'rich' rushing to do stuff crying, pesky kids
deepest darkest desires! (aka wishlist!)
to be a doctor (with a heart of gold!) a dog my own condo apartment a driving license and my own four wheel drive my own comic line someone to hug
